world
My clan sister tells the Tiny Grain of Sand metaphore a lot better then I do. And she spells considerably better then I do also; but the gist of it is no matter how small our lives compare to other ppl's lives and things we are important. Our actions, our behavors, how we live our lives, and who we touch through out our very short time in this world. We are all connected. That one tiny grain of sand is just as important as the water pounding away at the beach it lays on.
I have been going through a very ruff and trying time in my life spiritually this past year and 2 plus months. The ppl are different then what I am use to. And no I am not talking skin tones or cultures, I am talking about behaviors and regional differences in this big country of ours. The landscaping of where we are at is a huge difference to what I am use to. The mix of cultures is down to two main ones instead of a nice hodge podge to what I am use to. You add all that to the fact I struggle day in and day out being by myself in my spirituality and having no one to even pray with on an adult level when I need that extra help...........it brings you down not only emotionally and physically but also spiritually. You start questioning your purpose in this vast and often times harsh world.
Then these two already violtal ingredients get added to the mix of: "Am I really happy with my marriage? I know I love my husband, but everything about my life has gotton changed, battered, tore apart, patched together, or even out right given up for one person. Is this fair to my spirit? Is this fair to him and our children?
Samhain, traditioanlly, officially started at twilight on Saturday the 4th or last evening. We are celebrating one day only this year and that is the 5th of Nov or better known as today. With the kids in school it is very hard to do a full 6 to 9 days of celebrations with out yanking them from school. I am hoping more than anything that I am able to grab some much needed private, quite time to myself sometime this coming evening/night to commune with my Gods and mainly with my Patron Macha. I have questions that I need to ask that I am sure she will answer with questions and riddles of her own right back to me that I could have asked at anytime, but felt the need to wait to wait till Samhain.
Over all I in that small lil' nutshell that is my life, I am content. I know I am a strong, beautiful, sexy confident, bitchy woman. I know that I am important to the world and those around me. But I feel that I am lacking something in my life that goes much deeper then any rut that happens to everyone.
Maybe later this evening I can crack open my nutshell and find the path I need to be on instead of just "hanging" out and being content.
