My "Harrowing" Experience

WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS RIDICULOUS EXAGGERATIONS.

It was horrible -- heinous even!

For the past couple of weeks I've been fighting the worst insomnia ever! (Notice how this entry is already rife with exaggerations.)  I had been fighting sleep all day because I was determined to exhaust myself in order to ensure a decent night's sleep this evening.  As I zombie-walked into the kitchen to make myself a snack, I had forgotten that the husband broke a glass in there this past weekend.  As you can guess, I also forgot to put on shoes before went into the kitchen.  Alas, I stepped on a piece of glass! 

I dropped my burrito and hopped into my bedroom so I could operate.  The husband handed me some  tweezers, a magnifying glass and some alcohol pads.  I began the delicate process of extraction, but wouldn't you know it, that teeny, tiny shard of glass would budge! The husband couldn't help me get it out because he's as blind as a bat.  I seriously contemplated calling my sister who is a nurse to come get it out for me, however I would have felt like a jerk because she literally lives 25 minutes away. 

Finally, I had to take drastic measures.  I called my husband and asked him to bring me *gasp* a sewing needle and a cigarette lighter, STAT! I sterilized the needle with the lighter, took a deep breath and dug that shittin' assed shard of glass out of my foot.  I bandaged it up (because I decided I didn't need a tourniquet) and elevated it for good measure.

And this, my friends, is how I managed to put off going to the grocery store for another day!