I'm thinking of getting out of band... Yeah, I really like it, but I just don't want to be in there anymore... It's not as exciting as it was when I first started... I'm sure lots of ppl will not like my decision, but it's not going to take me anywhere in life... Hell, I'm not even sure of what I want to do w/ my life after I graduate... All I know is that I wanna go to college (maybe), but I'm not sure where I wanna go to school, or what I want to study.... I know that sounds stupid, but I can't decide... My mom says I need to make up my mind, and that I can't be picky about everything... I wish life were easier....

On top of all this, I've gained major weight.... Like 12 Lbs. major weight.... I feel like a fuckin whale!... I can't stand to look in the mirror.... It makes me depressed, more than I already am..... I just feel like crying right now, and I don't know why... I'm slowly dying on the inside, and I can't stop it... I need serious help.... I mean, I realize my life is pretty damn good aside from my mom and my sister being gone, but I still feel depressed... I know I should be happy but I can't help it, I feel like something precious has been taken away from me and I know I can never have it back... I'm sorry for putting this in here, but I have NO ONE here to talk to... My stepdad is.. well, just a guy and he'd never understand how I feel... and my sister was the only one I could talk to and I can't even see her cuz I'm not 18 and @ the Rehab she's @ you've gotta be 18 or older to visit the ppl staying there... Ain't that some bullshit?!... Anyways... All this blogging about things that are bothering me is making me cry, so I'm gonna quit for now cuz I know if I was y'all I wouldn't wanna listen to myself bitch....

Happy New Years Y'all...

Love Always,

-Morgan