Yes, I think you should definitely see somebody professional.  Whether they'll think yu need hospital or not, I don't know, but you sound like you're at a stage I used to be at.  I didn't wash for five weeks once.  You do need to be somewhere safe for a while, I'd say.  You need to rest and be looked after for a while to take the pressure off.  It's brave of you to think about this, for I know it's been a scary prospect for you.  If you do go into hospital, well, it's not so bad - the ones I was in anyway.  One of them was really boring.  I was admitted about 6 or 7 years ago, when I got worse and worse over a spell until I couldn't take care of myself at all.  I was trying to keep going, but it became impossible.  I remember one day I took hold of a pair of railings (why railings - don't know) and suddenly said to God, 'I really want to stop trying today.'   All at once, people took action and I was admitted that evening.  I had a spell in a really nice ward.  I got a private room and I remember lying on the bed feeling as if I'd been given a wonderful gift.  I had some peace, I didn't have to try to keep going, I had nothing to attend to, I was looked after.  So, yes, maybe you should check in somewhere.  I don't know how you find a place in the US.  Perhaps youi could go to your nearest clinic or regular hospital and they'll tell you.  Internet?  Yellow pages?  A doctor would probably know which hospital would be best for you.  Over here you'd go to the one whose catchment area you live in, but I don't know about the US.

As for telling your family, I think it might not be the most traumatic thing in your life.  I think that's already happened and that's why you're unwell now.  Sure, it may not be easy, but the hospital staff can help with that kind of thing - just explain your difficulties with your family and why it's scary.  they'll know what you're talking about.  Remember too that no matter how anybody reacts, you're not responsible for how they feel - they are, whatever they may say.  You have to do what's right for you and you carry no blame or responsibility whatever for anybody's negative reaction.  And you don't have to see anybody unless you want to - so the relatives can be kept away until you're ready.  You need to take control again.  You have a right to do this.  Control of your life was taken away from you a long time ago.  This was wrong and you must get your power back and establish boundaries to protect yourself.  The hospital people will certainly understand this and help.  It's not selfish, it's your right.  Realising all that has certainly helped me.  Personally, I'd be really happy to know you were in hospital or some appropriate residential place, for them I'd know you were resting and safe.  It's not a defeat, it's a tactical withdrawal.  If people are hungry, they go to a restaurant.  If they're bored, they go to a party.  If they're cold, they go somewhere warm.  It's really just a matter of going to a place that'll giv eyou what you need.  Unfortunately, people place a stigma on psychiatric hospitals, but that's a social habit inspired by fear and arrogance, so don't buy into it.  I tend to be rather up-front now about my mental condition, partly because I have a feeling of duty, for the sake of other people who're unwell so that they'll never feel they should apologise for it or give in to anybody who thinks they're inferior.  I've actaully been involved in setting up a weekly drop-in centre for mental health patients.  It just began last week and it's gone well.  the idea is that people can have a place where they're safe, loved, respected and free for a couple of hours - I like that.  Please tell me how things are going, buddy.  Peace be with you.

                       Ian