always a deadline, always too late.

I'm scheduled to leave here may 28th. So that leaves me this whole week to get everything closed down. But I'm living in a filthy apartment. There's old food and bottles scattered everywhere. I haven't washed clothes in over a month. I haven't showered in a week or so now. And there's so much to do before I can leave. I don't even know how I can leave...but that's all I care about it is just leaving everything behind and going home. I slept all day today, because I was up all night worrying about how I was going to get this all done.

I still have to close my internet contract
close both bank accounts
de-register at the university
de-register at the local Rathaus
close apartment contract and move out.

The problem with the day I leave is as follows:

Flight leaves at 10am.
Must leave Bamberg by train by at least 7am to get to Nuremberg by 8am for check-in.
Which means I have to return my key to the Hausmeister exactly at 6am-6:15am. Which I don't even know if he's going to be willing to do that. So of course I'm worried now that I'll miss my flight back home and be stranded here. I don't even know how to get from my apartment to the trainstation...I suppose I could call a taxi or something, but I'm just not confident enough.

So much more pressure to add to the pressure already...I'm just feeling hopeless again. My doctor finally replied to my email and now he's worried about about my life right now. My family found out I suppose about the whole wrist-cutting from the doctor so now they're worried.

There's just so much to do, and not enough will-power to do it all.