relationships
He recently married and I've been exhuming old ghosts by playing some of his work, trying to lance the last of the poison and pain in my heart and come to grips with the fact that he is happy, in love and chose another. So yes, I wonder had I left everything behind and gone to the UK would I be there in his arms instead of her? Bittersweet memories and a lot of would have, could haves, should haves haunt me that the moment, so the song (and the one previously) seem very appropriate at the moment,
It seems that it is my destiny to always come in second to another with the men I love....and those who love me (or say that they do) seem to try to change me, control me, abuse me. This is not to say that I haven't loved in my life and been loved, I have, but the relationships did not last for various reasons (and perhaps they weren't meant to and that was for the best).
I still hope to find someone but currently I have someone in my life that is a dear companion and tho he loves me, he is not 'in' love with me, more's the pity. He's damned close to the 'super glue' that I mentioned before. And perhaps at this stage of my life that's all I will ever have or have the right to expect and I'm working on trying to be ok with that, which isn't to say that it's easy or I'm doing very well with it.
I was not a very nice person in a past life and all the lives since then I've paid for those actions in attonement. I've been blessed several lives to meet my soul mate/s but there has always been some obstacle and that is part of the attonement process I've been fated to endure, learn from and rise above.
I know my fate this life time, that I will see those I love the most pass before me and become a very old woman and the Gods help me to see this as just and fitting and to face it with dignity and grace and accept it as the lesson it is. Yes there are days and there will be more, when I am depressed with being alone and unloved, and I feel selfpity for my situation, I know this well and I appolgize in advance for those days.
Tonite I'd settle for just being held. How pathetic is that? LOL...it is what it is and I know this well. And what I have with the companion whom I care for, isn't worth jeopardizing withwhat I wish it was and never will be. And my soul mate/s have been warned that next life I am coming for them and that very little will deter me. I've waited and paid and damn if it isn't time for some promises to be fulfilled...even should it not work out again. I'd settle for an even playing field and just a chance at happiness, just to be 'first' and see a man's eyes light up with love - just for me.
I truly hope my dear friend that you find your special one for you deserve that, even should it not work out. At least you should have the chance, it is true what they say, to love and lost is better than to never have loved at all....and may I say that were I 30 years younger, less jaded and were you pagan, I'd be on the next plane....LOL! Hugs.
As far as the sex and love part, how can you miss something you never had...They say both are great but I don't want to lose my freedom on something that my never last. Stupid of me I guess. Thats me..
Maybe our pathes may cross in our next lives,,,,, Huggs back at ya Moon !! Timberwolf +++
If you love someone, you glory in their acheivements, not seek to hold them back, afraid they will rise above or outgrow you. You let them soar, leave the door open and welcome them back with open arms with no jealous recriminations or suspicions. Make a man's homecoming hell and soon he will find many reasons not to come home.
The reverse of course is true, should they be the one to go exploring, you keep the home fires burning until their return with the treasures and experiences they will bring and share with you, the one they love. Being in a committed relationship does not mean the exclusion of all other friends, both male and female on both sides which enriches the relationship, which is central. If you cannot trust them or respect them and they you, you have no business being together, love notwithstanding. Just because you love someone, it does not necessarily follow that you will be together. There are many kinds and shades of love, and some include sex, some do not. Sex and love are not the same thing. One is fast food, the other fine dining...LOL
The important thing at the beginning of a relationship and thru out it, is open communication of expectations on both sides. Consistant feedback and reverification of feelings helps enormously. And I well understand your statement regarding wanting to be valued for yourself and not what you have (possessions, money, power, etc.)Been there and survived myself dear one, I was a 'cash cow' for almost 25 years and was loved for what I could do for people, not for myself, as I found out to my sorrow when the money was all gone.
Have a wonderful and peaceful trip and a glorious 4th.
