I've decided to make this private blog public.

I am so sorry for calling any attention to you. I was hoping to speak with you but I couldn't get in contact with you. I didn't want to risk going to your blog because I wasn't sure if anyone in your family was there or  not. I'm not looking to get gutted. :-)

I love you very much and I miss you. I also just wanted to know that you were doing well. I'm sure you are and I'm sure life has been splendid for you and this will always be true for you, even with the ups and downs.

You are the most amazing person I've ever encountered and as you've pointed out, I'm an old dirt bag, and this dirt bag has been around the block a million times. I know that everyone that meets you falls in love with you as you are that rare and beautiful bird that we all want to keep in our lives.

You and I know that this had nothing to do with sex. Leave that to the gutter-brained fools to cloud their thoughts with judgment.

Yes, I saw your blog but I let you have your say and I took all of those unfair shots. I think you said a lot of that stuff because you were afraid that people knew who we were. Nothing in my blog portrayed that it was you, NOTHING. I think you said a lot of that stuff because a big jerk with a blow-horn for a mouth, purposely wanted himself and to whomever he thought you were. He likes attention, there's nothing discrete about him. He has this play in his head where he's the gallant savior, the only thing is, he's a one man show.  He's more dangerous, he's more predatory believe it or not. I'm sure that you won't believe it since you've got a soul that yearns for honesty and love and you think he gives you honesty. You see all the good in him, just as you saw all the good in me.

You've taught me very valuable lessons, which is why I came back to Mindsay last week. I was in therapy and the therapist asked me: "What lessons have you learned from her, what happened in that relationship that would make you want to leave your family?" My wife was sitting there and I did not want to hurt her but I wanted to be honest.  I also wanted to answer the question because my wife had asked me the same thing. So I took turns looking my wife and therapist straight in the eyes and said: "She taught me what honesty was. She taught me what true love was. She told me once that, 'My life is my life, and I will do screwed up things and I will do things that you don't know about, but if you ask me directly, and even if it's going to embarrass me or hurt you, I'll tell you the truth. People are always asking for the truth but most times they don't want it, they want you to comfort them. They don't want to hear that you did it. They want you to tear up your soul even more by telling a lie about something you know you shouldn't have done, was surely fucked up but you did it anyway, and now their hoping you lie about it. First we shouldn't do fucked up things anyway and then we definitely shouldn't compound it with a lie because we are here to be imperfect, to make mistakes, to forgive, to learn and to love.'

I said to my wife and therapist that I don't think you gave me this huge secret to life. Because the secret to life, really isn't a secret. The secret to life is just as she stated and knowable by us all but we choose to turn a blind eye to it. I was in awe of her, because she has the courage that many of us lack. It's as if she wears her imperfections and mistakes on a t-shirt, even when  ashamed of them she'll point them out and explain to you what she's learned from them, no matter what they are. She learns and she loves and she is always looking to forgive.

I've told them some of your other little sayings and worldly realizations that blew me over. Now we don't have to bring you up in therapy anymore.

My wife and I will still fight and she'll often kick me out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch. She'll tell me that she appreciates this change in me: the honesty and commitment that I now have for our family but she loathes that I've learned how to change from you. But then she always forgives me because I was honest with her about you.

I didn't come back here to get some punishment from people because I felt I needed to be punished. I came here because I have made some huge mistakes and for the first time in my life, I'm honest about those mistakes. And if I can tell these mistakes to my family and endure their wrath. I can surely tell you in a public forum and not give a rats ass what these people think of me.

I'm sorry for bringing any strife into your life.
But I am so glad I met you. I don't care what you've been through or what you've done in your life. You, my dear, have a very pure heart. You are truly beautiful from the inside, truly, and I actually pray that you never change the fundamentals of you. I'm sure that you won't and that all of your change will be for the better.

The world is going to know about you. You are going to do some (more) amazing things in your life.