[Blog #84] --- Depressed --- [Sunday] - Almost at a loss...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dixie currently feels:

 Depressed

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Blog #84

Almost at a loss... 

 

 

I didn't wake up for proper ages today.

It's odd - the longer I sleep, the more likely I am to feel good when I wake up.

In effect, I was in a decent mood for most of the day.

 

I ate Sunday lunch with nana and grandad - beef joint.

Ian came round, sat with me in my room while I played Bully and he had a mooch on the internet.

His modem is proper shite, so he must've jumped at the chance.

 

He also leant me Resident Evil 4 - having heard about my recent trouble with obtaining it.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

I progressed proper far on Bully - managed to get from the end of chapter 3 to the start of chapter 5.

I ate my Sunday tea - piled high with a shitload of cake.

Nana got these weird bars that are like Rice Krispie cakes, only with orange flavoured chocolate on them.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

Then I got a phone call from Shelly - she'd been cutting her wrists and she'd taken tablets again.

Her mam had said previously that she's not allowed to see me anymore, and now she'd taken her games consoles and things away from her.

 

I was scared, knowing she'd tried commiting suicide before, but she'd never gone to the extreme of cutting her wrists and taking tablets.

She was pretty out of it - but I managed to convince her to go and tell her mam she'd tried to overdose.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

I had no response from her for about three hours.

I texted her several times asking her how she was, and tried leaving voicemails.

 

I got so worried and anxious I couldn't concentrate on anything anymore.

I eventually turned off my Wii, laid in bed for an hour and just cried.

 

I couldn't bear the thought that I may lose her. She's done a lot for me, and she means a lot more to me than she thinks.

Alright, she can't make me 'happy' - but nobody can. Happiness is not an emotion I experience. She may not do that, but she brings me to the height of my good emotions. Whatever you'd call them.

 

I can't continue on without her in my life...

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

I got a phone call from her at around 11.

She'd been to A&E - had her wrists patched up with sterry strips and she'd been given medicine to get the tablets out of her system.

She'd had a psychological exam too - apparently she's not a danger to anybody but herself.

 

I stayed on the phone for about 3 hours, crying to her.

I made her cry at one point, telling her how much she truly means to me.

 

If she'd have died today, I'd have killed myself too.