collegechocolatefearcoverbloodlunchphotospicturesipodscaredgoreelevatorlisabuttonsashshellyworld tourcover songsspritesolitairephoto shootliftdixiesketchbookashleighzz topguitar heroin the shadowscounsellingdiannedlcfake bloodsongsphotographycollege workcounsellorphotography examhome bargainsregenbogen streifengreggsox heartnew playlistchocolate bunnyterry's chocolate orangestreets of ragewii points cardvirtual console
Dixie currently feels:
Neutral
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #65
Blood, Bloody & Bloodier!
Today has been the most meaningful session I've spent with Dianne yet.
I brought along a copy of Regenbogen Streifen and let her read it.
Together, I've discovered even more ambiguity and double-meanings to a lot of the sections.
For instance - the part I wrote about crossing the road mindlessly and being saved by a stranger before I was ran over - this actually refers to February 2008 where I attempted suicide by walking out into main road.
Though, the day I wrote Regenbogen Streifen, I was walking to the bus station - there was a disabled boy walking in front of me. I've seen him in college, I think he has Down's Syndrome, or something similar.
Either way, we got to a crossing, and I looked at him as if to say: "Hey, wait until I go over, then it'll be safe."- and he did; because I knew he'd have just went straight over otherwise.
I continued on, he still walking in front of me - until we came to a second crossing. He went to cross as traffic was still going by and the red man was still displayed - a woman behind us grabbed him by the arm and stopped him.
Also - the sections about sex - I refer to my hands as "useless appendages" - although the narrator is not gendered, the people they desire are clearly gendered as female. Obviously, it's written as myself, so it's from the perspective of a lesbian - but it could be viewed as a male desiring these females, and the "useless appendage" could refer to his penis.
We both agree that I'm far better in writing than I am verbally.
I know this myself, I communicate myself and my feelings across far better in writing than I do speaking.
This is why I'll only ever use text speak shorthand for comedic effect. Everything I write is written in continual prose - even on MSN and online forums I write in fully punctuated sentences.
I know my punctuation has a spazzy fit on my blog though - I use dashes in proper random places.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After my session, I went and sat on the square tables - took out my sketchbook, plugged in Lisa and the "NEW PLAYLIST" (which I've recently updated), and wrote 3 pages of analysis to stick into my sketchbook.
When they're stuck in, I'll have completed around 10 pages.
My "NEW PLAYLIST" now has 170 songs, instead of the previous 150.
I deleted it totally and started again - this time adding some overlooked favourites.
Ashleigh and Shelly came into college not long before their A block lesson - sat with me for a while and talked.
One of the chairs was taken up by my tuppaware box - containing my 3 litres of fake blood.
Today was the day of my Photography exam, and I was absolutley shitting it.
While those two were in A block, I resorted to Solitaire.
I'd been distracted from my sketchbook work - and once that happens, it's difficult for me to get back into the right mindset to continue with it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After they'd came back - we all walked into town, first stopping off at the Dundas Arcade so I could buy an ox heart.
£1.70 - which isn't bad. Pig's hearts are about 35-45p, and ox hearts are considerably bigger.
And considerably HEAVIER. They must weigh about 2 stones.
Thankfully, Ashleigh said I could hang it on her handles as I was pushing her. This took a bit of strain off my arms.
We stopped off at Home Bargains and Greggs - then went and sat in a different place yet again.
We sat by the text tower in the centre, on the black stone bricks.
THEY'RE FUCKING FREEZING.
I sat on it and squealed as the cold penetrated my arse cheeks. Shelly did the same, rofl.
I did vow to myself that I wasn't going to eat a lot of chocolate, incase nerves and squeamishness got to me during my exam shoot and I ended up vomiting - but I changed my mind and ate a Terry's Chocolate Orange bar and a chocolate bunny with praline in the middle.
I bought two of those, but I did save one for later on.
I'd bought Sprite today - a variation on my usual Pepsi.
Sprite makes me feel funny inside.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Walking back to college, I was pretty close to "bottling it", as Shelly puts it.
I had bus fare in my pocket, I could have skipped off the exam and just got the Leven Valley bus back to nana's.
Shelly tried reverse psychology on me. She knows I'm almost as childish as she is - so she was like: "Alright, you just go... Come on Ashleigh, we'll leave her..."
So eventually I did end up following them with my tail between my legs.
I hadn't actually gone anywhere - they'd just started walking faster in front of me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arriving back at college, we had around 20 minutes before E block - so we sat on the benches in front of Hair & Beauty.
I didn't say much, I was drowning in my own fears.
When the time came, Ashleigh practically took me by the arm and pulled me to the lift.
Once inside, I pressed ALL the buttons - and when it got to first floor, I mashed the ONE button, so that the doors kept on opening.
I did the same on 2nd floor, until Ashleigh grabbed me by the arms and pulled me away from the panel.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will say that in Photography - thanks to me - Shelly, Danny and Ashleigh all did NO work.
Shelly helped me tape the tarpaulin to the wall below the projector while Paul was setting up a tripod.
Danny was proper facinated by the heart. He was only too happy when I asked if he'd help me get it out of the bag, as I couldn't at the time - my hands were covered in blood.
One mint thing though - Amara wasn't in lesson, and Danni-slagface was too squeamish to stay in the room, so she went and hid in the art rooms next door.
Even Jonathan and those two emo slags seemed interested - those who I thought didn't have a high opinion of me. I still think they don't, but at least they weren't arseholes.
The first few photos, I'd just tipped blood over my shirt as I held up the heart or a meat cleaver I'd brought along.
Then of course, Shelly tipped the blood over my head - as much as she didn't want to.
(She later admitted to me that she'd felt so guilty about it, she'd gone and cried in the 4th floor toilets.)
Ashleigh wasn't as remorseful - she was manning the tripod, taking all the photos. I could see she was secretley enjoying watching me writhe.
GOLDEN SYRUP FUCKING HURTS WHEN IT GETS IN YOUR EYES.
That happened TWICE - it started dripping down my fringe and running into my eyes. We had to stop twice so I could wipe my eyes down with a baby wipe.
I don't really like the taste of it either, but yeah...
Tanya and her friend from Art came in.
They said the printer was broken - they take a chair - they both sit on it, directly behind the tripod and stare at me.
"We're coming in to watch."
"Am I honestly that interesting?"
"No, but the printer's broke and we're bored."
"That's nice."
Here be some photos:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rofl, then came the task of cleaning myself up.
It's a good thing that the toilets all have locks to the actual outside door.
Ashleigh rinsed out my shirt and my trousers while Shelly mopped my face down and rinsed off some of my hair.
I put on my clean clothes and wiped down my feet and my chest. My hair wasn't totally clean, so I'd thought ahead and brought a baseball cap to wear to the bus stop.
I trust them both enough. They've seen me practically naked before - and I them, so what be the problem?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I nearly broke my back walking to the bus stop though.
The heart and the remaining blood was BEYOND heavy.
I had to carry it slung over one shoulder, but even then, it was breaking my back. I sort of alternated between shoulder and arm.
Very thankful when I got to the bus stop and I could put it down.
There was this ginger chav sat next to me in the shelter - he kept giving me dodgy looks. Probably because I smelt of golden syrup. Lmao. :)
The bus was proper late as well.
I killed time with Lisa and texting Adam.
They were all like: "LOL GINGER CHAV SNIFFING ME." and "OMG PROPER NEED A SHOWER MATE."
When I got back to nana's - she'd made me chicken dippers and spaghetti, but I'd proper lost my appetite earlier. I scraped some of the spaghetti, so she put the chicken in the fridge for me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was so fucking thankful to get in the shower like.
My hair still felt a bit strange afterwards, but at least it wasn't sticky - and it hadn't gained a pink tinge from the food colouring like I'd expected.
I bought a Wii Points card yesterday - I bought two songs on World Tour (Gimme All Your Lovin' and In The Shadows), Streets Of Rage and Super Mario RPG on Virtual Console.
I keep missing ONE note on In The Shadows - on both Hard and Expert... Annoyed.
Gimme All Your Lovin' is a cover - HOW DARE THEY GIVE AWAY COVER SONGS AS DLC.
It's not an amazing cover either - it's by Wavegroup - and Line 6 do FAR better ZZ Top covers than them.
But I bought it becuase it's a mint song. I'm practically a lifetime ZZ Top fan. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I spent the rest of my night playing Streets Of Rage.
I got to the 7th level - the stupid level with the lift, and I got killed.
GAH.
I'm going to play the 2-player mode with Shelly on Saturday. She loves this game too. :)
