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Dixie currently feels: 
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #276
Misc. Crap
Before I went to sleep last night, I laid awake in bed for a few hours and for the first time in several weeks, possibly even months - I cut myself again.
That's not to say I've gone all this time without actually
self-harming, for I've hit my head on things, punched myself, burned myself - hurt myself in ways that didn't involve a blade and a cut.
I cut both of my arms, starting with the left and going up from the wrist to the shoulder - then on the right from the shoulder down to the wrist.
I had to tell Shelly, and I couldn't tell her until I'd dragged her up to the 4th floor to sit on the stairs. We ended up getting worked up over it, sort of bordering-on arguing, but not quite. Even Shelly could see I'd hurt myself a lot more than usual.
So I'm back to the paranoia that follows - the constant long sleeves, the hiding yourself with the towel after a shower and the having to hold onto sleeve cuffs incase they ride up.
Sigh.
I keep thinking about Sarah's one-to-one yesterday.
She suggested I go back to see Dianne. But I was Dianne's longest client. We're only supposed to go for 8 weeks, I was there for 20. I don't want to go back because I'll feel selfish, like a liability who's abusing the system... Sigh.
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Photography was a waste of time.
Paul made us all go out into the college grounds and the areas around it and take photos.
The area is bland and uninspiring - I got a few reasonable photos, but most are pretty shit - and none of them will even fit into any of my chosen categories. They're just
misc. crap. Although I am feeling a little better about my sketchbook - the amount of work I did over the holidays will indeed account towards filling the pages.
college
