college-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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I fucking hate one-to-one tutorials.
I was already depressed, and all the things I dicussed with Sarah today didn't help my mood at all.
For a start, she thinks I'm eligible for a university scholarship. We're unsure on the exact amount of UCAS points needed, because two websites say two different things. Either way, I won't meet either of the requirements, because I'm a failure.
That and the fact I don't even plan to go to the university open day next Wednesday that I've signed up for. For one, I'm not totally sure on where I'm supposed to go. I'm useless like that. I'm also too nervous, so I'd fuck it up anyway. So I'm not going to go. But, if I don't - I'll have to go to my lessons, indeed, risk being asked why I'm not there - namely by Sarah - and what am I supposed to say? And how do I expect to get anywhere if I don't go to these open days. Sigh.
Oh, and she's asked Dianne to take me on again for more sessions.
I feel like I'm abusing the system. Dianne is only supposed to see students for 8 weeks. Last year, she saw me for 20. And here I am the next year wanting/needing to go back? She helped a tiny bit, but how much am I actually expecting?
One-to-one tutorials are meant to only be 15 minutes - but because I'm such a shaking mass of issues and problems, Sarah was lumbered with me for 50.
Sigh.
And tonight when I got home, I did that what I haven't for so long. It felt so good too. It bled a lot. I've cut a lot of them - oddly enough, my right arm is worse than my left one, which makes no sense, me being right-handed and all.
Dixie currently feels:
Depressed
Depressed -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog #275
Problem Child
Problem Child
I fucking hate one-to-one tutorials.
I was already depressed, and all the things I dicussed with Sarah today didn't help my mood at all.
For a start, she thinks I'm eligible for a university scholarship. We're unsure on the exact amount of UCAS points needed, because two websites say two different things. Either way, I won't meet either of the requirements, because I'm a failure.
That and the fact I don't even plan to go to the university open day next Wednesday that I've signed up for. For one, I'm not totally sure on where I'm supposed to go. I'm useless like that. I'm also too nervous, so I'd fuck it up anyway. So I'm not going to go. But, if I don't - I'll have to go to my lessons, indeed, risk being asked why I'm not there - namely by Sarah - and what am I supposed to say? And how do I expect to get anywhere if I don't go to these open days. Sigh.
Oh, and she's asked Dianne to take me on again for more sessions.
I feel like I'm abusing the system. Dianne is only supposed to see students for 8 weeks. Last year, she saw me for 20. And here I am the next year wanting/needing to go back? She helped a tiny bit, but how much am I actually expecting?
One-to-one tutorials are meant to only be 15 minutes - but because I'm such a shaking mass of issues and problems, Sarah was lumbered with me for 50.
Sigh.
And tonight when I got home, I did that what I haven't for so long. It felt so good too. It bled a lot. I've cut a lot of them - oddly enough, my right arm is worse than my left one, which makes no sense, me being right-handed and all.
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