[Blog #237] --- EPIC FUCKING DREAM...

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Last night's epic dream:

My dream started out with Ash and myself walking around what was apparently Hemlington - but it certainly didn't look like it. It looked very similar to that of Ambleside town. We wandered around for a while, then went back to Ash's bungalow.
When we returned, Ash says to me: "Didn't you notice that shop at the end of the avenue? You'd proper like it."
I responded: "No, I didn't see any shop..."
Ash says: "Oh, it was a wheelchair shop."
I say: "Well why would I like that?"
Ash replies: "Because they had a sign up outside saying they were closing down and all stock was reduced..." -she puts up three fingers - "To THREE QUID!"
I proper had a spazzy fit and shouted: "OMG, LET'S GO BACK THEN!"
Ash goes: "No way, you're not getting one. Why would you want one? To trick people into thinking you're crippled?"
I say: "No! For artistic things, films, photos - the like."
Ash says: "Well you could borrow mine for that."
I scream at her: "NOOOO!!! I WANT A FOLDING ONE!!!"
I ended up having a proper tantrum fit, and this resulted in both of Ash's parents and a shitload of randomers all shouting at me.

Following this, I was sat on the floor in their living room - everyone and these randomers were all sat around on the sofas watching films and talking PROPER loud. I was playing on a GBA with headphones in so I didn't have to listen to them.
Then we all ended up going out to some random church hall where everyone was sat around on wooden tables, listening to this random bible-bashing woman having a proper orgasmic rant about the power of Jesus and Christianity. Whenever anybody yawned or somehow looked distracted, she'd run up to their table and yell things at them about them going to hell and they'd be eternally damned.

I started daydreaming and gazing out of the window.
This woman runs up to my table and shouts: "WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT?! YOU SHOULD BE READING YOUR BIBLE!!"
I shake my head at her and calmly respond: "It's because of over-enthusiastic, Jesus-fucking bible-bashers that people can't decide their own path in life anymore. Stop wasting your time trying to convert atheists. We'll all go to hell with you and sodomise you with pitchforks."

Then this woman proper bursts into tears and runs out crying and everyone in the hall proper started cheering.
Ash looks at me proper shocked and says: "How the hell do you get people to agree with you?! I can proper never do it!"

Following this, nobody seemed to move from the tables, but instead everyone took out GBAs and started playing this random game where you had to swim underwater as a shark and collect sunken pirate ships.
I beat everybody at it on the first round, but the scores for the second round weren't revealed and that we had to wait until tomorrow to get them.

I woke up laid on the floor of a bus - next to the bus driver, a random gadge sat on a seat beside me and a pile of my shoes next to me.
The gadge said I could only save two pairs, so I put a pair of black Converse on and picked up a pair that were identical to the new pair I got the other week. The black, white and red patterned ones.
I asked him when the bus was going to stop, and the driver responded that it wasn't going to.

So the random gadge and I started ramming our shoulders against the bus doors until they burst open. Then we both leapt out and did like an epic-slow-motion dive out across the road and we landed on a patch of grass infront of Ash's house.
(Which is odd, because there isn't grass infront of Ash's house, it's paved.)

Ash comes out and she starts whinging on at me.
I yell at her: "OMG YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE MY EPIC DIVE OUT OF THE BUS! YOU FUCKING CUNT, I'M NOT DOING IT AGAIN FOR YOU!!!"
Then she shakes her head and says that I scored 125 points in the pirate ship GBA game and the gadge behind me scored 180.

I proper fell to my knees and started screaming - before I woke up, wondering what the bloody hell that dream was about. :)