Dixie currently feels:

 Neutral

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Blog #1

Introductory Wankery

My name isn't actually Dixie Astrid Stonehall - but I'm going to lie and say that it is. I prefer this name far more than the one I was given. And introducing myself as 'Dixie' to several people at college, I am now addressed as it frequently - which doesn't cause me to grind my teeth in sheer fury like I normally would if they addressed me otherwise.

I am a previous blogger. This is my fourth or fifth blog.

I gave up on my last one, but life-changing events have occurred. I remember starting my previous blog for a similar reason, and it did help me pour some feelings out - so why not try it again.

I'm 17 years old, started my first year at college in September - and I'm taking four AS-levels.

Following the previous success of my year 10-11 GCSE exams with my 3 A* grades in English, English Literature and Media Studies - I took these three subjects, along with Photography.

My best friend is named Adam. I've known him since we were in year 2. We met up one day when he overheard a conversation between me and another about our shared favourite game; Final Fantasy VII. He joined in, and we've been friends ever since.

Since starting college, he's a lot more sociable than I am, so he's made a lot of friends and gets invited to parties - whereas I don't.

For a time, it felt like we were drifting apart. Once my mother caught wind of this possible ignorance, she stopped him coming to visit me - but that ban has recently been lifted - Adam has visited me twice this week, and I hope it continues when possible.

My two best friends in college are Ashleigh and Shelly.

I spoke to Shelly first, during the second lesson in Photography. I was alarmed that someone spoke to me - as I was planning not to speak to anybody during my college years.

I met up with Ashleigh during a break prior to the third Photography lesson - was indeed repelled by her attitude - but later learnt that it was purely her nerves, and we've became a group of three since that second week.

We work together in Photography. The banner photograph at the top is of Ashleigh and myself. Shelly took it for us. I'm the one on the left - the taller and blonder one with the emo glasses.

The funky blur effects were done by our Photography teacher when he was talking me through some more Photoshop techniques I was unaware of.

Sometimes I talk to the ever-hyper Michaella. Yes, it has a weird spelling.

Like Shelly and Ashleigh - she also spoke to me first. I was drawing at one of the tables during my break - she walked past me, noticed I was drawing, then sort of turned and came back.

She's popular and I don't see her much because she's on a totally different course to me - but she's good company when I can find her.

During Media Studies lessons, I sit with the shy and quiet Lewis.

Unlike the four above - I spoke to him first - mainly because he looked even more terrified than I did. I walk to the bus station with him most days of the week. Never on Wednesdays though, he finishes before I do then.

He's quite sweet. Shelly has ideas that he's in love with me - I kind of agree, but in another aspect, I also don't. I guess we'll never know. And even if we did know, nothing would come of it.

This is because I don't like men.

I learnt this after my second boyfriend was an absolute arsehole to me during the start of year 10. It started an all-out war with him and his friends against me and my minute selection of friends. Wasn't good.

This had previously happened before in year 8 - and that's when I took up self harming.

Oddly, I got the idea from somebody I despised - as I saw her showing her scars to her friend. I wondered if the idea would work for me - and I've been addicted to it ever since.

I have a lot of free time usually.

I spend a lot of the time wasting my life away on MSN, not really making any progress with my life. Sometimes I'll play video games - make progress on those instead.

Occassionally, I'll have ideas for drawings or sprite comics, and I'll make those.

I'm interested in film making, but I don't always have an opportunity to partake in anything of the sort. Recently though, that's changed.

What I really enjoyed the most was writing.

For the past few months however, I haven't been able to do it.

It's not writer's block though. Not at all.

Somebody could say a single word to me - and I could spew out several chapter ideas just from the one word. Ideas aren't the problem.

The problem arises when I come to write, and I get the voice in the side of my head - the left side, as that's the creative side - shouting at me that I fail. From then, I can't even squeeze out a single word.

It's now spread to me not being able to write coursework/classwork/homework for college either.

This isn't good.