[Blog #134] --- Neutral --- [Wednesday] - Dianne

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Today was my last session with Dianne.
I felt really sad about that.

I took my last chance to do so - and I put the Abigail film trailer on my iPod and let Dianne watch it.
She then made the greatest comment I've ever recieved on it, and one of the best things she's ever said to me:

"BLOOD, GUTS AND WHEELCHAIRS!"

(This then later became my personal message on MSN, and then an addition to my screenname. :D)

After I'd told her about my sudden likeness to Extreme last week - she burned me four of their albums.
All neatly presented in white envelopes. :D

One thing she said to me that made me feel happy, but weird - was: "You have so much talent. You're being WASTED here!"
I like the idea of my talent being wasted. Well, not disappearing - but the idea of having so much, I can't use it all. I like that idea. :D

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Today we discussed the problem I've been having with spontaneous crying.
I'm still not sure of the EXACT reason - but we discussed the reasons behind it.

Because I was never allowed or encouraged to show emotions through my life - particularly with me being brought up being told it was wrong to cry - we think that that's a factor that contributes to it.

The fact it also occurs sometimes when I'm having sex - it could also be just another method of release.
With the excessive amount of emotions felt at that time - I'm bound to just explode into tears, right?

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I think the most meaningful session we had was the day we discussed Regenbogen Streifen.
I discovered so much more about myself that day. Ideas I already thought about myself - but they're never truly concreted until you've spoken to someone you trust about them.

Dianne even hugged me today.
It was odd - before she even asked me, I was thinking the exact same thing. Ending the sessions on a hug. :)

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When I first started my sessions with Dianne - I had to mark how I felt about 4 different things on a numbered scale.

Confidence, Motivation, Self-Esteem and College Life.

Originally, my Confidence was marked at 0.
I re-marked it today as 1.

Originally, my Motivation was marked at 1.
I re-marked it today as 3.

Originally, my Self-Esteem was marked at 0.
It still remains at 0, unfortunatley.

Originally, my College Life was marked at 2.
I re-marked it today as 4.

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Those scores just prove that Dianne has helped me - even if it only seems a little bit - it feels like she's helped me quite a lot.
There's been a lot of occurances during this colleg year where I've just NEEDED someone to talk to - so I'm really grateful for having Dianne there at those times.

I'm thankful for everything she's done for me.