It wasn't the churches fault,

but my first trip back to church in 4 years'left me feeling Like I had.....

jogged in the hot sun and crawled into a mouldy casket

to try and cool down...

the place that  had once meant hope and sunshine to me..

the congregation onmce filled with hopeful laughing children

had about as much life as as..

the way I felt about my love life..

no families

no children

I was the youngest there and I am a grandpa..

instead of drums, guitars

there was nothing but the dreadful organ

the grand flatulant  instrument..

I escaped before even a note was played

and snuck out the back door

just as a mother who hgad been physically violent in her child raising years

went in the front door..

now she seems only eschatalogically violent..or was the violence my desire to escape...

I tried my dear L.....

You said I needed to come here again

it would be the only place I might find friends...

The words of Bruce Cockburn come to mind

"Open up the doors and

let the bad air out..."

There is bad air in there

and I am the source of some of it...

( 4 years since I had been to church,

20 years since preaching my last sermon

28 years from discarding the collar and cloth)