2009 Wedding Season: Space and Brooms

I took a half day off to attend a co-worker's wedding. Andrew and I have been working on testing since I started there 3 years ago. He helped me with my first test in Pueblo, was there when I ran my test in China, and there when I went to South Africa. I was there in China when he bought 14 Rolexes and TAG Heuers from a local vendor who we already had a price agreement with, for his groomsmen. As symbolic of that time, I wore my watch that I bought at the same time. He was supposed to be there when we went to Boise, but that whole trip fell through. This was a good thing; travel was starting to get tiresome. Anyway, you could've asked for better weather. Forecast in Chicago was rain, rain, rain. But I read somewhere that in some cultures, rain on a wedding is a sign of good luck, so good luck rained down upon the ceremony.

 

I thought I was going to be late - my GPS took me through the heart of many neighborhoods on the South Side of Chicago, and while I wasn't too worried - after all, Andrew and I had walked through downtown Pretoria on a Sunday morning - I was more worried that I was going to be late. No fear though, I got to the church on time, and the ceremony was about 30 minutes late. LOL

 

The pastor at the church was awesome. He had a lot of great things to say about marriage, and keeping the faith, but it was one of the things that he said that kinda stuck with me that I'll retell here. I found myself really absorbed by his words, and the lessons can (and should) be utilized, regardless of where we're at in them. He said, "Now I'm going to say something that will sound a little strange for a newlywed couple. Remember to keep space in your relationship. You will be together through all of your lives, but in order to build a stable, happy, loving relationship, don't forget the space that you need between yourselves. Just as these columns hold up the roof, notice the space between them, for without the space, the church will seem crowded. The space that you have in your relationship will keep the structure of your relationship intact, and allow the love of God and family in." Being a black church, murmurs of agreement began floating around. I found myself wanting to join in the chorus. That was meaningful. You see and hear this a lot - someone is clingy in a relationship, they always want to be there, always want to have that closeness. Closeness supposedly defines a relationship. But does it? The people define the relationship, not how close or far apart they are. Think of the above, and think of some of your best friends, spouses, whatever. I know we all have at least one relationship where it doesn't matter how long we've been apart from them, because when we get back together with them, it's as though we just left them yesterday. The people defined their relationship, not how much in contact they are with each other. Couples that have been married for decades, they are their own people. Sure, in the twilight of their lives, they spend the whole day together, but I can guarantee that they don't spend it all day in each other's company - or if they do, they're not always talking, sharing feelings, making their jaws ache with all of the effort. They do their own thing. They know that the other person is there. There's a security there, a support that may be physically far away, but the force of that support is felt in each person's heart. Space in a relationship to keep it healthy. How profound!

 

Being a church with West African roots, there were many cultural traditions that they went through during the ceremony. The usual ones were there - the rings, the Unity candle, the vows. Sprinkled in between them were the Medallion Ceremony, where the Bride and Groom, and the Best Man and Maid of Honor, each got a symbol of the event (crosses, in this case) to wear as a testament to being in this ceremony. Now I have to admit, when I heard 'medallion' I started to envision that they were going to get things the size of Olympic medals, but they were just small crosses on cords. They also did an evocation of ancestral names, while watering a living thing (a plant, in this case). They would pour water and speak the name of a deceased ancestor of theirs that meant a great deal to them, and helped them get to where they are today. This symbolized that we're part of a greater whole, and stand on the shoulders of our ancestors.

 

At the end of the ceremony though, was a very interesting tradition called 'Jumping of the Broom'. A broom, as the pastor explained, is what happens when individual pieces of straw come together, just as individual lives are strengthed by community. The love of God binds the people together into this community, just as there is a binding cord around the straw to create the broom. But a broom is also useful, it is a tool used to clear away the dust and dirt that has accumulated in our homes, making them clean again. So the broom is used to get rid of things we don't want, things that make our homes unhealthy and attract other things like pests that we don't need. This broom then is symbolic of cleaning away things that make us dirty, to get rid of the dust that has settled in our lives, and keep our souls in pristine condition.

 

So the bride and groom swept around each other, twice, to 'clear away the dust and unwanted things' that have accumulated in our lives. They start their new lives together, fresh, clean, unburdened. And then they jump over the broom. Literally. Andrew, being Andrew, swept meaningfully the first time around his bride, then swept with a little more pizzaz the second time. =)

 

After the ceremony, the pastor had all these things - their vows, framed under glass; a small straw broom; the medallions; and the plant that they watered - for the newlyweds.

 

At the reception, thank goodness they didn't play 'Chicken Dance' or 'Macarena', but they played the more recent en vogue called dance song, which the name escapes me because I am horrible with song names, but more importantly because I never heard the name. :D They had a live jazz band there, and those guys were awesome!

 

There were many speeches, and one of the newlywed guys at our table told us the story about how there was a guy in their wedding that said that,

 

"The man always has the last words in an argument: 'Yes, dear.' "

 

Interestingly enough, one of the speeches made by an uncle of Andrew's said those exact same words later on in the evening. :)

 

Question for the ladies: What is it about dancing that, when the dance floor clears and the music starts, suddenly the dance floor is full of women, regardless if they're married, single, dating, whatever - they jump up and start dancing in time to whatever song it is as though they invented the step or sung the song?

Why is it always a group of women? Not two, not a few couples - women! 10's of them! 15's, even! (15 is odd, I do know this. Ha ha. Bad math joke)

 

Question for the guys: Why don't we do this? Why isn't there a cadre of well-dressed men strutting their stuff out there when the music starts, and a circle clears around for the guys to show of their mad dance skills? Speaking for myself, it's because when I dance, I tend, more times than not, to look like a complete idiot. I prefer slow dances anyway, not that it's ever helped. Oh wait, it did once. Once. It was funny during a second wedding event, and slightly necessary during a third, for which I did get compliments for my efforts at the wedding, after having gone through dance class alone.

 

Anyway, the reception was wonderful as well. Oh! How could I forget? There were like 10 couples, at least (that acknowledged themselves) as having been married for over 10 years. But in reality, those same couples, I think, were in the 30+ year category, including one set of aunt and uncle for the bride, I think, who had been married 56 years to the day of the wedding. Damn! And I also met Andrew's 100 yr old (now, she was a day away during the wedding) grandmother, who looks really good for a centenarian. She still moves pretty good, travels alone, does all sorts of things still, walks without a cane or walker, in good health and everything! They were going to have a birthday party for her the next day, showcasing her life and all of the things that she's seen growing up. Look back 100 years in the history books. That's a lot of stuff.

 

My wishes for an exceptionally long and wonderful marriage to them, and to all of my Mindsay friends who are married. For those of you who aren't, remember: Space, and Brooms. :)