That is easier to say then do.

I was told that this job would have its’ ups and downs and I am at that down part that everyone has been talking, gabbing, and chatting over coffee about.

One of my favorite dogs is going to be euthanized today.

I didn’t find it hard with many of the other ones….

But today I teared up.

Today I cried.

I am sensitive -Even more so now that I am off my antidepressants. The slightest change can set me off; the smallest worry will make me feel like the world is ending.

We all come into this life to die. So what happens when we do?? No one knows. I think it’s different for everyone.

I think people get the decision to be forgiven for their sins or not. I feel like if everyone is supposedly forgiven for all their sins by God then maybe we will all go to heaven…

Whatever.

I believe all the animals I have encountered and haven’t, go to a better place. I would like to believe that when you die it doesn’t just STOP. I may even have a slight belief that some animals that are in our lives are reflections of our loved ones or a piece of ourselves that happened for a reason.

I think that is what makes it so hard to look at an animal that is headed for certain death later in the day. It hurts to look into dogs’ eyes that have been around so long and say “I’m Sorry, There Is Nothing I Can Do”. Comfort…meh…it works a little to know I was able to be a friend…. I know I came into this job with prior warning that I will feel my lows…

I just don’t think I want to know when he gets put down…I really don’t want to see the necropsy… I’m reconsidering working as a Technician in Research….we will see what happens.

I think I am in need of major Humane Society visiting.

The cats and dogs that have a chance to go to homes and live their lives until they die of natural causes….

I’m taking my dog around Lake Calhoun.

I know that will make me feel better.

There will in time be survivors of heart failure…. That is all I can really tell myself.

Rest In Peace Ace 7/30/09