Eeew...Gross!

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livlife

Eeew...Gross!

Tags:

gross

toilet

urine

hairbrush

If you've ever seen me in person then you would know that I have a lot of hair. Not exaggerating, A. Lot. Of. Hair.

Which is fine, and I love my long hair, but it does come with its own set of unique challenges. One of which is the tangles. I have exceptionally curly hair and it sticks together and tangles of its own accord. I use conditioners and leave-in detanglers, and, sure, they help; but they by no means solve the problem. At the end of every day I find myself standing in the bathroom, in front of the mirror fighting it out with the tangles while swishing with my mouthwash. (I've found that I am too impatient to use mouthwash as directed, I tend to swish and spit in the space of about ten seconds--but if I am busy brushing my hair, I'll swish for over a minute!) And, no lie, there are many a night that I end up spitting early because a particularly bad snarl caused me to lose my focus and give rise to the desire to spit and swear at said snarl.

This is all well and good, but you can imagine the kinship I feel with my hairbrush. Well, kinship is what I would feel, if I truly loved my hairbrush. I haven't found the "right" brush for me. I had, once, when I was a young girl. I had that brush forever (it was fuschia with a dark gray handle, white plastic bristles and turquoise tips on them) and it was getting kind of nasty. Hair so matted in there (and I pulled out the hair strands regularly!) that it was never coming out, was coated with dust from years of use. It was gross. But I was young and didn't care so much and I really loved that brush. One of my friends, can't remember who, though I suspect Kelly, suggested that I use a lighter and set fire to the hair and dust particles to clean it once and for all. Seemed like a good idea and we borrowed a lighter (I think--pretty sure this was pre-smoking days for me) from my parents and went out on the deck to do the job. It would have worked, except for the rancid smell of burning hair, that was eclipsed by the fact that the dust particles did not burn off. They caught fire. And before I could react, most of those plastic bristles with turquoise tips had melted into unusable lumps. Thus ended the affair with my favorite hairbrush.

My mother, I recall, immediately hustled me off to Target to replace said brush, but, alas, it was nowhere to be found (as is the case with anything you develop a fondness for that you purchased at Target). So I got a different brush and a long series of different brushes since that fateful day and I have never once loved one since. Some were fine, others, barely usable, but I keep searching.

A year or two back I bought a new brush, and I have really liked it. It isn't worthy of LOVE, but it is decent. But, as with most of the brushes I own, it is starting to get pretty disgusting. Which is why, last time I was as Wal-Mart, I ended up purchasing a new brush (after a loooong debate in the brush aisle...ask my mom, she was there!). I haven't had the new brush long enough to decide if I love it or hate it. It has some redeeming qualities, but much of the process is getting used to the feeling of a new brush on my scalp. Therefore, I am still deciding. And since I haven't made the decision, I have kept the old brush (did I mention that Target no longer carries that particular brush-bastards.) figuring I would just switch back if this didn't work out.

Until tonight.

Old brush is now forever consigned to the depths of "bye-bye brush", never to be used again. It is very unfortunate because now I have no idea what I will do if it turns out that I hate new brush.

What's that? You are wondering what caused me to get rid of old brush prematurely? Well, tonight, as I was getting ready for work, I was rushing as usual. I was nearly ready to go and stopped to briefly use the toilet. After I finished (pee only--that's important) I stood up and somehow, managed to catch the handle of old brush with my elbow or shirt or something. I am not really clear on the process. Then, it flipped up in the air, time slowed down, and I made a frantic grab for my brush. I missed. It fell, with a distinctive splash, into the not-yet-flushed toilet bowl.

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

I'm not kidding you, I was ready to cry. I stood there, looking at the brush and had a quick mental debate with myself. Then, and here comes the gross part, I reached in and pulled it out! I know, I am deranged. It is a sickness. I actually believed that a hairbrush-hairbrush!- was worthy of being saved from a toilet bowl full of urine. It wasn't like I had dropped my wedding ring or something in there...that I would understand fishing for.

I have to say it. "Eeew...Gross!"

Go ahead...you'll feel better. And now I have to figure out how to either live with new brush or dedicate some time to brush shopping. Cause old brush is truly a lost cause.

Live and learn, people. Live and Learn.

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lovespirit on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa Awwwwwwwww Ohhhhhhhhhhh Haaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa ohohohohohohohohoh .....hahahahahahahahaaa
No, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you !

Just think . . . if you were just a little neater and had placed "old brush" OUT OF SIGHT ( in the drawer) where these relics belong , this never would have happened . . .

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livlife on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

Oh, go ahead, yuk it up. I was totally laughing about it, too. It was the most ridiculous scenario. As I was driving to work I kept thinking "did I actually just DO that?"

And neater? Well obviously that would have been smarter, but neatness at home is not my long suit. At work, yes, neat and organized is my persona...but my personal space is as chaotic as the brain that controls it. Just how I tick.

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lovespirit on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

Forgive me, your royal Mistress . . . I totally forgot my place . . . you "tick" perfectly, in supreme non-chaotic order . . . as everyone in the Universe is aware!

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livlife on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

Now, THAT was exactly the correct response.

You are absolved, Mystic, of your insolence.

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lovespirit on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

HELP!!!! I bowed so deep I fell over and I can't get up!

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livlife on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

Does it make me a bad Mistress of the Universe if I laughed heartily instead of being concerned for your safety?

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bflogrl on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

In my house, we have to keep the toilet seat down at all times (not my rule) (well, not at all times - just when not in use) because something might fall in the toilet. I've always thought this was a stupid rule, but now I see it is not so stupid. Makes a really funny story though. I can totally see SNL doing something really hilarious with this one.

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livlife on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

Yeah, it was a funny story. Funny moment. I figuratively debated with myself all the way to work whether or not I would blog the story. I was pretty disgusted with myself after realizing what I'd done.

But in the end, it is pretty funny and I don't embarrass easily so I figured what the hell. Someday I will reread that and be glad that I archived it.

And while the toilet seat down at all times is a good rule, keep in mind I was in the process of standing up from using it. I had only just completed my business so.....the rule wouldn't have helped me here.

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kjhump on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

I actually remember telling you to burn it off. Sorry, I had no idea the loss of the brush would scar you for life.

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livlife on

Re: Eeew...Gross!

IT WAS YOU!!!!! I thought it was but I really couldn't remember. We stood on the lower deck outside the family room and did it.

And I never realized that I was scarred for life until I stuck my hand in a toilet full of pee to rescue a hairbrush. I am starting to reevaluate.....

I always thought everyone was fussy about hairbrushes. Guess not.