So, im sitting here in my boyfriends basement, listening to him study for his EMT-CC class and it has me being very thoughtful.  I spend my days on an Ambulance.  I get paid to transport people from hospital to hospital, hospital to home, home to hospital. hospital to nursing home, and about any combination of the above. I get paid to do 911 calls on the days I don't get to do transports. Four days a week I climb into that ambulance and away I go to service the state of New York. I got sent upstate yesterday, so now I can officially say it is "State of New York" and not just Long Island. Two nights a week after work I hop into the Ambulance at my Volunteer organization and away I go again this time into the night hoping to get a few hours sleep in between the calls we might get for whatever it is my town decides will be the special tonight. So I end up going through all these calls, some for free and some paid, and what do I end up taking away from them? Sometimes nothing at all, and sometimes everything. When am I going to be satisfied?

Im sitting here listening to these questions, words cutting through the air that have no meaning to me, and some have all the meaning in the world. Some dance inside my head from Immunology, from EMT-B school, from Biology, and even Chemistry. I pick up some things around the Ambulances I ride in that have consumed my life. I pick up things from outstanding medics and from regular EMT-B's who have been doing this longer than I have, some of them having been EMT's for longer than I have been alive.

I want to have the knowledge of doing this for years and years.  I want to know things to teach people who ride with me when they ask, but for now im an eager student.  I ask every question my mind can possibly wrap itself around because I want to help people. I want to know more than I do so I can save more lives, and do more interventions. On the same token though, I don't want to be 40 years old and doing EMS. It kills your body.  I come home now with bruises on my legs, wrists that I need to wrap because my patients were alittle on the heavy side, or a back that hurts for a whole day if your lucky. If your unlucky, you need surgery, or will suffer chronic back pain your whole life. EMS is not something you plan on doing forever, although the thought is nice.
In theory, it is a good thought. EMS till you die... I mean really, who wants to do anything until they die? Everyone around me says they hate their job.  I actually like going to mine, but what if the time comes when I actually hate going to it? Then what do I do?  Do I just simply sit there and keep going at it because I dropped my college career to follow my EMS dreams? I am terrified that I will hurt myself and have nothing to fall back on.

I studied Forensic Science with a minor in Criminal Justice. I didn't finish.  I didn't finish because I needed Organic Chemistry. I passed the first half, and totally butchered the second. I switched my major to Criminal Justice because I felt I needed to graduate with something, but I am never going to use a Criminal Justice degree. I don't want to be a police officer although I took all the police tests in my area. I want to finish my Forensic Science degree to have in case Paramedic doesn't work, but honestly, im scared that that even won't be a good fall back mechanism.

The job market is so saturated for Forensic Science these days...

My brain is saturated with all this thinking.

I think its bed time...