time to changeI need for things to change between Billy and I, I don't want them to be how they have been. I would love nothing more for me to be ok with it, but the more I think about it the more uneasy I get with it. I just need time, and space. I am getting really confused with things going on with us, when we are together we act like we're together and when I leave and go home I feel as if he wants nothing to do with me.
I need to look out for me and do what is best for me, without hurting him but also knowing he respects how I feel. I do love him and I know I want to be with him, one day... just not right now. The timing isn't right and I need to take care of me and I kind of like it just being me. It does get hard at times, but I get through it. I have talked to him about this once before, but it didn't work and it's not his fault it's mine because I let them go back to the way it was.
I know this is all going to be confusing to him and throw him off considering last night, which is half the reason I am still debating if I should talk to him about this or just keep things to myself. I have been though a lot of changes in the past month or so and I like where the changes are taking me, everything is so new to me and so fresh. I have thought about myself, how we were when we were together, and how things are now. My mind and body are slowly changing; my views, thoughts, and emotions are different now and I am slowly losing weight which is giving me such a higher confidence level that's amazing. When we were together, things go so rocky at times I just don't want things to go back to the way they used to be and I think that's why I want to do this change. Things now are good, but I am not fully happy and I need to be.
I have thought about moving on, keeping things the way they are, and finally changing the situation but still having him in my life. The first option was quickly taken out after really thinking about it. Keeping things the same aren't making this not being together thing a lot easier cause I feel like I can have him, but at the same time not. I have felt like I was being put on the back burner in case he did meet someone and it didn't work out but I was still there, I am not going to be that person. I don't want to get hurt.. so I am looking at this in every angle possible and seeing what I can do so I don't get hurt. If I found out he has met someone or talked to someone with interest in them while he has been telling me he loves me and telling me he doesn't want to be with anyone else.. that would be the end of everything. Even though if he did or was, he isn't doing anything wrong cause were not together but just the fact of him doing it would ruin everything. Which is another reason why I want things to be different.
I do know what this may do to the relationship we currently have and I am ready for the consequences, I have thought about that over and over again. It may make things better or make things worse. It may make us both realize things that we should've realized a while ago but just never could. What I want out of this: Hopefully come out if this together, have my unanswered questions answered, and more importantly become more of an independent person.
I am in need of a change, and this is just the beginning of it.
I am ready for what is in store for me.
I need to look out for me and do what is best for me, without hurting him but also knowing he respects how I feel. I do love him and I know I want to be with him, one day... just not right now. The timing isn't right and I need to take care of me and I kind of like it just being me. It does get hard at times, but I get through it. I have talked to him about this once before, but it didn't work and it's not his fault it's mine because I let them go back to the way it was.
I know this is all going to be confusing to him and throw him off considering last night, which is half the reason I am still debating if I should talk to him about this or just keep things to myself. I have been though a lot of changes in the past month or so and I like where the changes are taking me, everything is so new to me and so fresh. I have thought about myself, how we were when we were together, and how things are now. My mind and body are slowly changing; my views, thoughts, and emotions are different now and I am slowly losing weight which is giving me such a higher confidence level that's amazing. When we were together, things go so rocky at times I just don't want things to go back to the way they used to be and I think that's why I want to do this change. Things now are good, but I am not fully happy and I need to be.
I have thought about moving on, keeping things the way they are, and finally changing the situation but still having him in my life. The first option was quickly taken out after really thinking about it. Keeping things the same aren't making this not being together thing a lot easier cause I feel like I can have him, but at the same time not. I have felt like I was being put on the back burner in case he did meet someone and it didn't work out but I was still there, I am not going to be that person. I don't want to get hurt.. so I am looking at this in every angle possible and seeing what I can do so I don't get hurt. If I found out he has met someone or talked to someone with interest in them while he has been telling me he loves me and telling me he doesn't want to be with anyone else.. that would be the end of everything. Even though if he did or was, he isn't doing anything wrong cause were not together but just the fact of him doing it would ruin everything. Which is another reason why I want things to be different.
I do know what this may do to the relationship we currently have and I am ready for the consequences, I have thought about that over and over again. It may make things better or make things worse. It may make us both realize things that we should've realized a while ago but just never could. What I want out of this: Hopefully come out if this together, have my unanswered questions answered, and more importantly become more of an independent person.
I am in need of a change, and this is just the beginning of it.
I am ready for what is in store for me.
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