Yet our distress comes from no failure of substance. We are stricken by no plague of locusts.


On Top of Old Smokey
I don't know why, but on Friday while I was at work I began to think about goofy songs I sang while I was in school. Usually very violent towards the scholastic establishment, these tunes never ceased to give me a humourous tickle. I googled the lyrics and was subsequently laughing all day at them. Secretly of course, I don't know if these diddies would be appreciated much in my current work environment, including such favorites as:

On top of Old Smokey, all covered with blood;
I shot my poor teacher, with a 44 slug;
I shot her with pleasure, I shot her with pride;
How could I miss her, she's forty feet wide;
I looked in the newspaper, she wasn't quite dead;
So I took a bazooka, and blew off her head.
I went to her funeral, I went to her grave;
Some people threw flowers, I threw a grenade;
I watched her go up I watched her go down;
I watched her go splat, all over the ground.

Let's be honest; we all knew these songs as kids. Research on the internet revealed there were alternate versions such as the initial assault being on a pile of sand and shooting with rubber bands, to more graphic instances of being just on a hill of red with poor teacher having an axe in her head.

Another personal favorite

Joy to the world! Barney is dead;
We barbecued his head;
We chopped up his body;
And flushed it down the potty;
And round and round it goes;
And round and round it goes; etc.

I really did despise that purple punkasaurus...

And then I was enlightened to other childish songs that I was unaware of. But the one that had me in stitches the entire day because the visual was so hilarious. While none of the words are obscene all on their own, the total song is suggestively lewd enough that I think I'll leave the rest to your imagination (or curious googling):

Sung to "Be Our Guest" from Disney's 'Beauty and the Beast'

"Feel my breasts!"

I don't think I need to say anything more. :)




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