long dayI am delaying the inevitable here. I have an honest loving long-going -term -whatever relationship with a sexy kissable man and I am going to blow it up. I have worked hard to build what I have to what it is. 10 months worth of work and honest love have gone into this and on the count of 3 it will fall to pieces. 3 days that is.
To his knowledge, I screwed up once before. I flirted too much too long with a long past lover and once it was discovered I worked my fingers to the bone to earn his trust back. But the important thing is, all my honest lying and blowing of shit out my mouth in the form of words - ;) - paid off and now I have him on my side. In reality, I screwed up twice. I took life and love into my own hands the second time and it cost me a few days of praying and hoping and building road blocks to keep from feeling guilty. Nothing bad happened and everybody lived, so I say it was a positive learning experience that will never happen again!
Tomorrow is day 1 on the countdown. Tomorrow is Wednesday and I will see my parnter-in-crime and we may or may not (but most likely we will) talk about our plans to ruin my life. There is much deception here, as well. To the partner-in-crime, this date will be the peak of his love-life. The climax will begin here and he hopes it will do nothing but progress. I see it as a hard plan to sell and it will only blow up in my face. Why I'm going along with it, nobody knows. Also, tomorrow was supposed to be a nice date with the man I love: the one I mentioned earlier. I will be blowing him off to see my partner-in-crime.
The thing is, man #1 knows that man #2 (partner-in-crime) has a long going thing for me. And this thing has been growing since, well, FOREVER. There is little I can do about it. Especially since I have been feeding the fire for some time now. This thing that will bring down my love-life will be happening right under man #1's nose. There will be no need for a disguise, however, because he is totally clueless.
I don't want to ruin what I have, really I don't. But it just seems like so much fun and it's so damn easy. I am risking so much work and honest time for one measly night out. Anyway, Thursday is day 2 on the countdown and there will be no seeing or meeting between either loverboy or lustboy (man #1 & #2). I will make up transparent lies that man #1 will not be able to see through because it is true that love is blind. He trusts me and I will use that to my advantage. Man #2 may call me also, and in that case we will go over the final plans to scrub this relationship/mission I worked so hard to maintain. The final pieces will fall into place on countdown day 2.
Friday is day 3 on the count to destruction and it is also the day when the plan comes into action. I will be lying about where I am going which will inevitably lead to the discovery that I am, indeed, a bitch. I have been lying since the day I could talk and will not stop until the day I die. Even in my deathbed, I may lie. I lie to myself, my closest friends, obviously my family, my lovers, God, the world... If there is somebody who I haven't lied to, it's because we haven't met yet. I LIE. That is what makes me tick. I am a liar. I could tell you that I have the symptoms of a pathological liar, but then I would be lying. Besides lying, what are the symptoms of a pathological liar anyway? If lying is the only symptom, then isn't it safe to say that every one on this entire planet is a pathological liar?
Whatever. The point is that the relationship I spoke so fondly of (well, sort of fondly) is built on a foundation of lies and that foundation has been slowly and steadily eroding away. Loverboy has finally seen through some of my most transparent lies and they have come crumbling down on top of me. I don't really think that Friday will be the storm that sends the house tumbling down, but only God knows what will truly happen. One can only hope. Hope. And pray.
Good Night & Good Luck
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