I had a bad night thinking about my grandmother. I was looking at the hymnal she gave me in 1991. It has her handwriting in it. I could feel her love exuding from the very page where she wrote. I got caught up in the heat of emotion and bawled for a while. Then it was hard for me to go to sleep.
I am glad my friends came over yesterday. I met my son's godmother's boyfriend. He is really nice and taller than I expected. I had only seen him in pictures online. He is from Scotland and will be returning there on Monday. He's an awesome guy.
I am so near a breakdown it doesnt make any sense. Even my son's godmother told me I looked exhausted and to promise to get some rest. I don't know what to do! I had to lock myself in the bathroom the other night because I was so very tired and my son got up again. I was about to lose it. I began to cry and think about what I could do to get out of here. His father put him back to sleep relatively quickly, but I was resolved to sleep on the couch if it got me more than 4 solid hours. It's so hard to cope and keep up when your child is running all over your sleep time. I try and take naps when he is asleep and I try to get every ounce of rest I can on the regular, but night after night of losing out on rest takes its toll regardless of what you do.
I did finish reading my Kurchinka book today. It taught me alot about my son and myself. I am apparently pretty introverted and have to recharge by being alone. He is more extroverted and gets overcharged when in the company of others. It affects how we deal with each other in so many ways. That's why he is able to get on my last nerve so easily. I recommend "Raising Your Spirited Child" to any parent just so they can get some ideas on how to handle personal situations with their kids better.
Found out that I am 1/2 indian instead of the 1/4 I once fathomed. My dad is going to find out what tribe his great grandmother hailed from. My son, on the other hand, is 3/4 Indian, because his father is Puerto Rican aka Taino Indian. I still have to hand in his registration papers, though. I will get it done soon. I am trying to get my Indian name this Powwow, which is next month. I have to call the office and let them know that I will be there to do it. I can't wait to fulfill this last thing my grandmother promised to do for me that she couldnt. The other thing is lost and there is no way to retrieve it, but at least her intentions were pure.
There is a fake tribe purporting there essence of mocking all over the southern states. It's rather annoying. Take a look at the info:
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