I don't know if I necessarily hang out with girls more often. But aparantly I bring out this so called "Awww Factor" which is emmited when I speak. Not sure exactly what it means really.
Also noteworthy, my ex girlfriend contacted me out of the blue. I don't really know what she wanted in me really. She broke it off with me and was seeing a guy several days before I figured it out and she told me, "We're not going out anymore, George and I are going out. Don't fucking call me again." To my surprise I suppose. I had it coming. In turn I beat the shit out of myself...
I didn't know why she was talking to me either. And I can say I miss her. She anounced it was her because it was under a different screen name anyway. But initially she asked if we were, "Chill." I said yes because I can't harvest lurid feelings for her. We shot the shit for a few lines and then she broke into, "I don't know what to do." I asked what of it and to which she said, "I like miss you and stuff. But I can't have anything to do with you." It is true that her parents hated me. And that, yes she was a few year younger, the real reason was I wasn't what they saw her daughter going out with. I don't look the part ladies and gentlemen. I am skipping some parts because they are meaningless and just take too much space. After a breif line or two she said, "like I realize, well I have always known. But like I need you. I feel bad for saying that. You are just like You. I don't know, sorry this must all sound like shit to you but whatever." I said it didn't and inquired what she meant when she said "You are just you" and she said "Like you're perfect. I can't explain it so just whatever." I said no it wasn't then she proceded to say that she felt like an asshole for saying all of this and thinking all of this.
"Like you and me had something right?" I told her of course I always thought so. Stephanie began to say "So did I. And my parents obviously didn't approve because you didn't meet their standards or whatever, so I was kinda, I WAS forced to stop talking to you. Which I didn't want to happen but I knew it would sooner or later. But like I loved you so much. But then I got a boyfriend and like dumped you and like he's not you and how I felt about you I have never felt with anybody else and I don't think I'll ever love someone how I loved you."
I was also quick to note how she usually used "loved." Probably an operator err I guess.
I asked if she still had that letter I gave her. You know that love letter that if adorned with hand written calligraphy and had taken hours of thought and several practices to write it. And then when it was finally completed you dated it and sealed it into an envelope; decorated the envelope with little words of sweetness. She said yes and that she was reading it last night. I was to inquire why she had the letter still to which she said, "because it reminds me of the first time we like got to see each other and that day was perfect until the end."
I then proceded to ask if she was unhappy with this George fellow because I thought she mentioned something earlier about it because of the way she was talking. To which she said, "Kinda. Like I am happy with him but he's not you and I know I'd be happier with you."
Also on the damn myspace scene she says in her about me that she's all happy with him and shit.
~"I am the luckiest person in the world.
Everything has just gotten perfect when you came into my life.
You're all I need, you're all I want, you're perfect, you're cute, you're amazing.
I don't think you know, or anyone else knows how much I love you,
and how much you mean to me. When I'm with you, you make me feel
so un-describingly happy. When I met you my world changed. Nothing else
matters to me except for how much I love you.
I trust you with my life, I'm glad I can tell you anything and feel comfortable.
And I love that we show "too much PDA".
I love you with all of my heart forever George.
We are perfect, and I'm glad I have you. I can honestly say I'm in love. "
I don't know what to take from this? I mean,
1) I suppose I leave a lasting impression on people.
2)Right now my bullshit detectors should be moving, Though not as they should.
3) I feel someone is being lied to and that is probably me.
4)Apparantly she wasn't over me like I was told.
5)Hearts get stepped on. Doc Martens make it worse.
FACT
-We were first together December 10th, 2007. With the utterance of the lines "Will you be my punk Rock Girl?"
-Ended? The Sunday right before Martin Luther King Day
-Who the hell kicks the shit out of themselves? Apparantly me. Scared some people though
-The whole state of it made me sad
-I was the one who inspired her to quite smoking. She said she wanted to make me proud.
I feel like Henry Chinaski. I need a hard drink.
Make it two.
me
