You sound serious if you've tried so often - but is it that you get second thoughts? - Because if you're not sure, don't - you have time to figure that out. If there are any issues, there's the oppertunity to sort it out within life - although I don't know you I can try. As long as you continue to be a survivor you will be a success in my eyes - any strength and restraint from giving into feelings deserves credit  itself in my eyes, and nothing really matters other than everyone being ok - I bet you have family here who would miss you - if you left them this way you wouldn't be able to do anything to help them with what they'd face, or change your mind, they'd probably still be on your mind.
Also you never know what the future will turn into - completely surprised me, things I had no hope of (i.e. college) - is there now. Also, what do you have to lose by sticking around? - even if only out of curiousity. Any painful times will always go into the past, time doesn't stop in life, you won't be trapped

i feel i can never do anything right. life just blows but hoepfully when i move out itll get better

 

thankies 4 talking to me! mwah!

welcome - i know the feeling, i wanna get away from my intrusive parents, just don't blame yourself if anyone's treating you in a way you wouldn't treat them - ultimately I don't want other people manipulating you into blameing yourself just so they bypass their own concience, and if you don't expect stuff from/judge them, I don't see how they have a right to criticise, or make you feel worse.
hope it gets better

in case that seemed a bit assuming - it's in case that is the reason (or in case it comes up later), was for me lol

you sound very wise! thankies!