Heist

With the collapse of his empire, Kyle Craig, teenage billionaire, was left with nothing. All that this young boy now had were his dashing good looks, and his once razor sharp wit. Living on the streets was something he was not prepared to do. So naturally he called me.

 

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey."

"Hey."
"How's it goin?"

"Good."

"Good."

"You?"

"Same."

"Good. So whatcha been up to?"
"Oh nothing much. My multi-billion dollar business went under, because my products caused its users to contract a strange obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
"Oh, yeah, I heard about that."

"Yeah."

"So, what do you want?"

"Help."
"Meet me at Central Park at noon tomorrow. And bring a ham sandwhich."
"Ok," and he hung up. I knew exactly what it was we were going to do. The biggest heist of all time. The New York Stock Exchange.

 

Well I called up my good friend Danny that night, who had made a successful living marrying rich women.

"Hello?" He said.

"Master Wickenheiser," I said, "I have a business proposal for you."
"Yes, let me hear it."

"You, Kyle and myself rob the New York Stock Exchange for over 20 billion dollars."
"Oh, Michael 'ol' chap, you know I have long since retired from that form of "enterprise. After all the Security State Bank job in Linton was almost impossible."
"Yes but now we have an insider. Her name is... Carrie."

"Shmidt?"
"Yes. I married her sister Anna, who is seven years younger than me, and got her a job there."
"I'm in."
"Good-bye Danny!"
"Ciaou."

The next day we all met at Central Park and began discussing the heist. We had three phases, Phase One: Get information. Phase Two: Steal approximately 20 billion dollars. And Stage Three: Run away from the cops and pray to God we never get found.

 

It was the night of the heist and we were very anxious. Danny received a message, via telephone, that his 90 year old wife had suffered a major stroke and would probably not last another hour. "Oh," was all he said. Daniel never ceases to amze me. Here the only woman he ever loved (well seventh if you count her predecsors) was ill and would not last, yet he was willing to go through with our plan. That my friends, is loyalty.

 

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"Yes!" They responded in unison.

"Let's roll."

 

And so we stole the 20 billion dollars and skipped the country. I bet you want to know how we did it, well I'm not going to tell you. Because I might want to do it again. All of us settled down in Lichtenstein where I started a rebellion and took over. After Lichtenstein I moved to Luxemborg, Germany, Switzerland (Then gave it back to the Swiss) France, UK, Russia and all of Europe, Asia, Africa, Austrailia, Canada, Mexico and South America.

 

We all live in our floating pirate ship the Rolly Joger in France. Of course we had to cleanse the French soil before we moved there, so we burned it to the ground. Danny later married Carrie and Kyle married Mrs. Orn his high school computer teacher. And we all lived happily ever after...