O.K. find pictures of self for a blog. YUK The only one I could find was when my hair was growing back in after chemo from a cancer that only 3.3% survive more than 18 months. Maybe I can change it later.....
By this time in my life so many changes are written there, yet inside somehow one of my delusional voices persuades me that I'm the hottie I used to be 49 years ago... dancer, model--- all those things I once took pride in, now removed from my life. Conversely, almost everything I said/thought would never happen to me, has, as well as everything I once made jokes about, I now am. When I look at my once sleek and curvaceous body, look at the bikini pictures I just scanned in to preserve (for what?) I see curves all right, but they go OUT instead of IN. Where once proud breasts were.... one is an amputated stump, the other is a gaping scream, the memory of a flesh-eating virus that chomped on my muscle tissue around my left side to the spine. The result of infection getting into the radiation burns. All those dark secrets they never tell you before treatment.
Two zipper scars run up my knees, the consequences of years of dancing and competitive dance skating. Well, the joy of being able to stand longer than 90 seconds without excruciating pain is worth it, I guess.
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