Recently my best friend Nadia wrote an entry that soared to the # one spot in that entry she does goes into detail about her experiances with her illness. you can read it
here if you missed it , it is the most insightful thing i have read in a long while.
Earlier today there was a post on a gene that maybe responsible for turning the illness on and off you can see it
here Now as for me i can not claim to know anymore about this illness then what i have witnessed with nad , however i dont think studing a rat is going to help many with the illness , how can you know a rat truely has the full blown symptoms , a rat can not tell you what it see , what it hears , or even how its feeling at a given time , you may observe behaviors however this is not concreate that the rat has said illness.
As readers of nads blog may know shes had a rough few days . It started with horrible images of her sliceing her wrist , and then last night horrible thoughts that would not quit I talked with her most the night and thought i feel there is no need to say what these thoughts were , i can tell you it was tormenting her as if pushing her to snap , its hard to know that your best friend is being tormented by something and you cant stop the torment you cant make it stop all you can do is promise to be there , promise not to leave her alone to fight this. she fought all she could i know she wont think so , but she did . but in the end the agony to make them go away was to much , the last thing i got from her was to say she was sorry , that she just couldnt take the thoughts they were killung her. this morning she came to talk with me again , she had slammed her head into the wall so much and so hard that she knocked her self out , she said she was unconcious for a while. this illness when out of control is nothing short of a posession she cant fight it like she wants , she can not make it go away , medications she is giving up on it is hard i want to fight this for her how can i fight what i can not experiance , what i can not see or feel , she fears being "trapped forever" she said things today
" I am not the person you became best friends i will never be that person again"
"im not me, im not your best friend anymore and i cant ever be again"
i know this is how she feels i believe her but i know i will fight like hell all i can to bring her back to give her peace and comfort. tonight .. again the voices intruded suddenly from no where , shouting at her again laughing at here calling her worthless, they hate her , f she doesnt do something they will , all angry all bad things.
this illness comes from no where it can take hold in a matter of mins with out warning.
I want to fight for nad , nicky wants to fight for nad , but how how do we fight this , we will not let her fight alone she means to much to us,
im glad he did its just one more way of helping people learn
