I saw you had visited my blog and want to say thank you.  But I visited yours to see what you were all about, and can relate so well to this particular blog.  You and i have so much in common, with both generations.

My whole life was one of rebellion and did not understand why, being in a preacher's home, as his daughter, that I had to set the example and be different from everyone else, missing out on so much for the sake of God's work.  I resented having Mom and Dad always away, leaving us with sitters who did not understand us, in order to do God's work.  I wanted their attention and did anything and everything to get it.

But I knew also from a young age that I was different and did not understand it, and of course, my folks did not believe in going to "worldy" counsel, so did not take me to see therapists....

And my life went on, from one wild thing to the next.  I would beg and cry for God to release me from the compulsive impulses that drove me, but I could not stop even when i tried. 

To make a very long (46 year old ) story short; it was not until I had gone so low as to want to die, that my doctor spotted it and sent me off to a mental institution for evaluation and to keep a watch on me for a few days to make sure I was not still suicidal.   That was where they found I was bipolar and that all I needed all along (besides the Lord, whom I know was there all along, of course) was a bit of meds to keep me stable.

It has been three months now, and I am finally getting a bit stabilized.  I miss the highs but know that they were not normal and of course, disastrous, cause I was on a path of destruction...self destruction.

The Lord has been good to me to bring me thru it, and has opened some of the critical eyes to see that sometimes people act as they do for a reason, crying out for help.....geez....

But as for the second generation; I was a wonderful mother to them, but they saw how I was acting, and I also felt a lot of guilt about having not set a good example...but in the end, it is they who have to make the choices and we cannot be punished for their bad choices. 

I am just glad that the Lord is patient with us as we take the long way around, getting back to him...he is a gentleman and was always there, just waiting for me to turn to him, and I bet it was the same for you.

Glad I found your face on my blog; I feel we are kindred spirits.  Bonnie, 46 years old. I live in Kentucky now, but am moving to Utah at the end of the month.

Thanks again for your kindness; I tried to add you last time, but it would not let me; I will try again.  It sometimes won't do it because the system is overloaded or something....