The last couple of weeks have pretty much warn me out a little, but I know I'll get used to becoming tired during the first portion of the week. At least I enjoy my job and it couldn't have come at a better time. I won't be getting a full pay check until the 28th, but I'll be getting one that will help out the holidays on the 14th. A couple hundred dollars extra never hurt anyone.
In other news, I'm confused. Just so confused. And hitting that point (ya know, the one I hit every so often) where I believe life ought to be fair, but it isn't. A couple of days ago, I found out that Tabetha is due on June 20th with her second child. Her son is barely six months old. I felt it was unfair to my nephew for not being able to get excited that he's going to be a big brother because he won't understand. I even feel it's unfair to me because, well, I just seem to always get jealous when I find out somebody's expecting because I want to feel that joy of motherhood and the anticipation of bringing a new life into the world just as much as any other woman would or does, but I can't feel it because my doctor says no or Josh says no and tells me that adoption is another option to consider. Why do I have to resort to adopting? Why can't I be normal and go through a normal pregnancy and go through a normal delivery? Simply because I'm not normal, that's why. Guess it's been about a year since I lost the baby and I hate the fact that I start feeling the way I do during certain times of the year. I try to ignore those times but it's extremely hard to just act like nothing ever happened around this time of year just a year ago. Wow, it has been a year. I remember it so well.
I guess I just complain a lot which is one of many reasons why I can't see why Josh can even put up with me.
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