I think a lot of people think that last entry was true. So, cool.
Anyway, it's from a story I've decided to write, although admittadly it's a little cheesy and stupid; And even though I was drunk last night when I wrote it in, I guess that's no excuse for bad writing. Either way I'm glad that Christmas break is almost over because I miss the classes and my professors and my utter sense of hopelessness when I realize exams are coming up. I miss my friends too. Because the ones at Wake are completely different from my friends here.
My girlfriend Jesse asked me, Have you slept with Dusty now that you're home yet?
And I laughed and told her that I don't sleep with people like that. Which I don't. I don't think she really understands me or my friends here. It's a different environment. Love is an art, existing is an art.
I've made excuses for a long time just so that I'll have my way all the time. Dusty and Kaleb are still waiting for me to make a decision about them, which I'll never do. And Christopher started calling me a long while back, asking if I'd spend some time with him. Dusty got wind of this communication between us and gave me the silent treatment for days. He lectured me afterwards, calling me a child, immature, telling me I was acting like Kaleb: like I didn't know what I want.
"I know what I want, D," I said. "But I'm not going to stop halfway. I want all three of you."
He hung up on me, but later bought me books.
He understands me, but he doesn't like it.
In one splendid memory, Kaleb and I were dating and sitting on my couch while Dusty held a coke in his hand. Kaleb's eyes were on the television and I watched as Dusty looked out the window and unscrewed the cap of the coke. It doesn't mean much to anyone else, but when Dusty turned around and caught me staring, a flash of knowing passed between us. We were silent but I smirked. His mouth didn't move though his eyes lingered on my face, still thinking of outside the window. I laughed suddenly and broke the reverie, but only because I was scared. I didn't realize then what love was.
anatomy
