Yknow Jordin Sparks has never had a boyfriend because her father would scare them all away? I know that depression and trust are hard things to overcome, I've been dealing with both my entire life myself, but what inspires me is realizing that the only one that's gonna help me IS me, after all. Its good having the support of friends, though I think everyone deserves a chance to be trusted at least once and if that trust is lost, screw em. I mean I find it hard to trust people, but I allow them to gain my trust little by little only cause I wouldn't wanna stereotype everyone cause of some similar experiences in life. I mean, that would be like assuming every girl is a cheater because I just happen to have most of my relationships end up with them doing that to me. Everyone deserves to be happy, I hope you do end up happy too. Take care!

I actually didn't know that...but that's kind of interesting. I've had boyfriends, but only one has met my dad....none have lasted a long time, so I haven't felt it was worth it to introduce them. I have trust issues, but (especially this year) I've learned to let them in...it's just that if they break that trust I've placed with them--fuck it I'm done, and they don't have any more trust from me--ever. With guys, I'm just learning not to let myself fall right away...I've done it many times before and just gotten hurt in return, so therefore I stop myself before I fall past just a simple crush, and then wait a little while to see what happens. And I figure that's good enough, if I'm not worth a little chase, then I'm not worth his time.

 

Thank you!

Yeah, I was on my way down to Florida for my annual vacation when I heard the radio announcer on WAPE in Jacksonville mention that before he put on her "Tattoo" song. I saw her live by the way, amazing performance! I can definately relate to your philosophy, it's hard to trust others again after being hurt by so many others. Sometimes I feel like saying to people interested in me, "what...you wanna make the hole in my heart a little bigger?" I mean after awhile, it just seems almost expected that things might not work out because either they don't really know what they want or the chemistry just isn't there. I think what's important is that in the end is to be able to walk away without having your heart handed to you. Those are the relationships I hate the most, the ones that fill you up just to hang you out to dry. But the experience is invaluable to learn from making the same foolish mistakes again. It's hard to trust again and starting over can be even harder. You're worth more than that though! *hugs*

I wish I could see her live...that would be amazing! She's a great singer, and I love her lyrics...cuz they make me think sometimes. Haha I agree with you on everything you said in that reply....and I can relate more than you'll ever know. Learning to trust is harder than ever, but starting over is the worst thing after losing it all.

 

Thanks....for everything!

 

*hugs*

You're welcome - my point exactly. The other risk is being more than friends with someone, because some people may get along really well after awhile, plus the trust is already there usually, so I think alot of people become tempted to risk their friendship with others to achieve a higher happiness as well as increased physical, mental and emotional satisfaction. I mean having a relationship is great, but I think relationships can best be related to as an investment in a way. I mean in both cases, they usually have potential and rewarding benefits, but they could also lack in performance and even cost you more than the either is actually worth. I know what I look for in a significant other, I even had that kind of person before fate had split us apart and now I just don't know anymore...hopefully things work out for you though!  

The thought of being friends with someone before getting into a relationship with someone is a comforting thought...but that will forever lead me to think it's going to be completly ruined if a relationship happens. Someday, I'm going to risk it all and he'll be standing in front of me in a tux saying "I do's." I know what I look for in a guy also...and I had him standing right in front of me, but with school, work, and having time for myself--I just didn't have time for a boyfriend at the moment. We still talk, and we're closer than we've ever been....and maybe someday I'll get a second chance with the best thing I've ever had. I don't know if in the future we'll both feel the same, but if something doesn't happen with that--then so be it...and I'll find someone new, ya know? I'm not going to end up alone, and I'm not going to get hurt bad again.

 

Thanks!!

That's gotta be the biggest challenge of all though, because sometimes we come across people that don't seem to want to commit themselves even though they're everything you're looking for. I mean I haven't been in alot of relationships, but the ones I have been in were long term, only to find that they either wanted to end up being childish and wanting to 'explore their surroundings' or they simply 'don't know what they want in life'. So I'm usually left standing there thinking, 'gee...thanks for wasting my time all these years when I could've been with someone more like myself in dedicating themselves to a relationship.' The other sad part is that the more I open myself up to people, the more it ends up hurting in the longrun, so recovering is almost impossible. I mean I may never get married, but I know one thing I will achieve in life is being successful because that's something that I can control, rather than depending upon other people's emotions in order for a relationship to work. I was in that same situation with a girl that I thought I'd end up with, now I'm not so sure because all the signs are there, drifting in communication to a point of where its just become non-existant, it's whatever though I guess. I can't let that stuff bother me because it'll only bring me down. Plus there's plenty of other people in this world that I could get to know instead, not anticipating that I'll end up with them, but it helps to ease the pain of loneliness. Hopefully things work out for you though. Thanks again!

For me, it's not so much that I couldn't or didn't want to commit...it's just that I almost had too much on my plate for me to handle one more thing. I felt like everything was going to topple over and it all would get fucked up. Do I still have a little hint of feelings for him? Of course...but am I going to lead him on? no. I'm still going to be friends with him and I hope it lasts forever....I made that promise to him, and I don't break promises. I only dated him for like a month and a half...and I told him how I was feeling as soon as I figured it out myself...so it's not like I strung him along or anything--I mean, I could have, but I didn't want to do that. I have morals and values that my parents have embedded into me, and I'm not going to sit there and do completly opposite. I know what I want in life, and I'm not going to let anything or anyone get in my way of that. And in the process of finding someone with the perfect amount of imperfections--I've found that I'm someone who's soo afraid of getting hurt, so I don't let anyone take me down anymore....and I'm happy about that. I think it's because I got so sick of getting let down, and I'm completly done with that.

 

Hopefully things work out for you, too! You're going to end up with someone amazing someday---don't worry about it so much.

 

 

...and I had something else to say--but I can't remember.

Yeah, I hear what you mean. If a relationship becomes too overwhelming, it probably isn't worth being in. A good relationship is a mutual responsibility, over time, there may be a dependency upon one another, but this is the kind that builds trust, not so much considered as a dependency that one person bends over backwards while the other just enjoys the ride. I mean its nice to do things for your significant other of course, but only if they enjoy doing things for one another because they care about each other. I give you props for not leading him on, sometimes I wonder if mine is intentionally doing it not to hurt me or just to keep me from feeling hurt. I mean it is the reason why she left was because she couldn't bear to say goodbye. But if that's the truth then I gotta say that's pretty messed up to make me think that theres a relationship that still exists if she's already moved on. Yknow the unsettling thing is that women born under her sign are also known for doing that in their personality trait as well? I mean she says that she doesn't break promises, but that doesn't mean that she could be persuaded over time. People are only human after all. I'm not worried about it though, if it's not meant to be, then I just feel sorry for her being shady like that if she did do that. She wouldn't be considered being honest to not only me, but herself as well. It'd be a shame because even after all these months I'm still devoted to her, but I've told her time and again if she ever fell out of love with me then just be real with the situation and even though it would hurt, I'd rather have it that way because then I can get on with my life. I just want one person that compliments me as much as I do them, to build a lasting and fulfilling relationship, and to spend my life with them, that's all. I mean I personally don't think that's too much to ask for. I mean I am a good person, I would support them through thick and thin if they were willing to be there for me as much as I was there for them. There's nothing worse then ending a good relationship, especially when it goes ending unanswered. I mean my relationship with her was bliss, I honestly felt that I had found my soulmate, she may even still be, I dunno. I mean I started out being friends with her too, it just built from there, our one year anniversary would've been on the 30th of last month. Part of me just thinks she may have moved on though, she hasn't emailed me in like a month, doesn't text msg me, doesn't even call, she doesn't even tell me she loves me anymore. I always end up in these situations, my first two girlfriends ended up cheating on me and now she's currently living with two other guys apparently at an address I don't even know. Swears there's nothing going on and maybe she is just busy, but the truth always prevails. I know this. Anyways, I'm rambling, I'm sorry. But it's good that you're happy as a person, I usually am, I just keep myself busy with work and my distance learning courses to keep myself from getting down. I also think of this as an opportunity to improve my own life, I mean relationships can be expensive after all and I have a secure job where the money's good, once I get my degree that'll open some more opportunities. I have dreams to achieve, such as saving 6 figures by the time I'm 30, which is very much possible, plus all of the opportunities of everyday life. I think one thing I miss is just being able to talk to someone about anything and being so open and honest about whatever. Plus there's the physical part of the relationship, not so much the sex, (good as it was ) but just being near them and being able to say everything without ever saying a word. I guess I'm kind of a hopeless romantic, but a simple person nonetheless, I mean I don't expect alot from people really, but in a situation like this its like, I can't pretend everything's okay between her and I if she doesn't give me any reassurance. It takes two, yknow? Thank you for the reply, I feel comfortable expressing myself towards you, that's not something I find myself easily doing. Hopefully things work out for you as well! Sometimes I wonder if I've just been put on this earth for God's amusement. I could see him now, sitting up there drinkin a brew, laughing His ass off. I gotta go run an errand though, hopefully you remember what you were going to say? I get like that too sometimes.

I'm going to be honest right now with you--if you've been together for a year and she hasn't called you or got in touch with you in like a month--it's pretty much over. You deserve someone much better than that (not that I'm trying to bash her or anything....I just think that's ridiculous). And you should talk to her about it....or end things completly. Believe me--I know how it feels to be done with someone and still have feelings for them...I did it for three years.

 

What's her sign by the way??

 

There have been many things lately that I've been noticing about life itself, and myself too...and things that people have been telling me. It's weird ot think that for my age--I'm already more mature than most (I'm only eighteen), and that I'm only going to grow with time.

 

I still don't remember, but that's okay.

 

Hope ya had fun running that errand lol

Yeah, it would make sense because she has mentioned in the past how she has a tendency to forget things. So I wouldn't doubt that she may have forgotten about me, I texted her recently on a phone number that I had commonly texted her with and she didn't have the slightest clue whom it was that was texting me. I mean she swore up and down that wasn't her intentions of leaving even though I figured this was going to happen. What I can't seem to understand is how she can move in with two other guys in an even shorter amount of time as compared to moving in with me when I had offered the opportunity. I understand what ya mean though and I've pondered that same conclusion from time to time as well. I just don't think its right though, for someone to lead someone else on like that. Her sign by the way is Pisces. I've talked on astrological forums and noticed that this is actualy a common trait for those born under this sign. My brother whom is also of the same sign, didn't think twice about cheating on his girlfriend at least six times in a row. He felt bad about it though and told her the truth shortly after, but part of me doesn't want to believe that even though part of me doesn't want to put it past me. My sign is Capricorn so her sign and mine are like supposibly of like one of the highest compatibilities, and we certainly did compliment each other. We'd hang out everyday and had no conflicts with one another the entire time we were together. It's just hard to deal with being with someone like everyday and then just not seeing them at all anymore afterwards is a hard transition to deal with. I'll probably talk to her about it soon enough though, I just don't wanna jump to conclusions because she does work alot and apparently doesn't get alot of sleep, but I know the truth will come out sooner or later. I figure if I end up with someone great, but if not then I guess it was never meant to be for me to end up with anyone...as for my errand, it was to take my brother to one of his favorite clothing stores, he's obscessed with matching and keeping up with the latest styles. I just got back from fixing my mom's physical therapist's computer, it was majorly fragmented and her Zip drive wasn't working so I fixed that, she gave me a lil money for my troubles. Thanks for the reply, it's always good to express myself to people willing to listen. ) It's okay if ya still don't remember what you were gonna mention, surely it'll come around when ya least expect it. The mind is a mysterious thing, after all.

I understand that she meant a lot to you when you guys were together....and I'm goign to say this, but I don't want you to get mad or anything --> You deserve better, and I don't care what her excuses are--you need to pitch her. If she doesn't have time (and hasn't for the past month), what makes you think she's going to in a few weeks, ya know? talk to her and see what happens...But those are just my thoughts on that. I know it's hard, but you'll get through it just fine--I have faith in you.

 

The mind is very mysterious...it works in magical ways.

It takes ALOT to upset me really, I'm really patient actually. I just figure that soon enough I'll get the picture. I'm not really one for having a relationship though, but surprisingly I just heard from a mutual friend of ours that she's apparently going to either visit or move back. Plus the last I heard from her she was apparently moving from her old residence. I dunno what's going on really, and with work and school and life, I've been too busy to really care. I just figure if she's going to do whatever she wants to do, that's her decision I guess. It's whatever cause I couldn't make her love me if that's the case. But I'm not one to jump to conclusions either, but I may have to I guess....thanks for the confidence.

Well hopefully everything works out in your favor. I'm sorry I kind of bashed her and whanot in that last reply of mine...it sounded kind of bitchy. Maybe she just needed to get her shit together. Ya never know. I just think you deserve better than that.

 

I understand where you're coming from. I think  you've just gotta talk to her about everything...get everything out onto the table and see what happens.

 

I might be getting into a LDR soon, but I think it could work. He's older than me, but age just doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm not going to let something stupid get in the way of me being happy...not this time around.

Yeah, yknow its funny because I told her that this very possibility might happen, and of course she has the best intentions to persuade me into thinking that everything's going to be fine between us. They were for like the first six months but I guess ever since she moved in with these two guys it's been like, "I know you, but I'm not gonna email or text you or send messages to you unless you send them to me." I just don't understand why someone would do something like that, I understand she's busy but I mean even I have free time and I'm a workaholic. I just figure it's whatever really, I'm halfway towards my goal to saving five figures so that's my current goal in life, I plan to save to save six figures by the time I'm 30 and use the interest to help me save even more. I figure if I can't help emotional security, I may as well have financial security instead. Maybe things will work out between us, I mean I can't say that I have any reason to believe that she's doing anything like that, but I wouldn't doubt it's bound to happen if it hasn't already, I mean I used to hear from her at least once a week, then it was like once a month if I was lucky, now it seems to be never unless I spark a conversation. I know I can't buy happiness, but its certainly a great achievement nonetheless. I feel that life is meaningless without having goals to commit to. I mean maybe this is my calling, I've wanted to be successful for as long as I can remember, plus the thought of working at a dead end job isn't all that appealing to me when there's an entire world to explore. =)

Do what your heart is telling you to do...and do not stay with someone who is going to make you unhappy. Never let someone get in the way of achieving your dreams--ever.