psychiatrist
So heres my advice bases soley on this entry.
It sounds like you do things that you would rather not do. Then you beat yourself up over it. Then you feel bad and because you feel bad.... you start over.
Maybe you should sit down and think about it. I know its hard to think about the things you do that you feel are immature and stupid, but if you don't figure out why it becomes quite difficult to fix this unhealthy pattern. What triggers these behaviors? What feeling makes you want to grab onto this person who, from what you said, doesn't want a relationship anymore? When you get these feelings you need to think... is this helpful to me? Does this line of logic make sense? Then... remind yourself that he doesn't want a relationship and calling him will only end badly. And when a person doesn't want a relationship it isn't you.... it's just you two dont fit together for whatever reason. So basically you just have to force yourself to move on. Take each "episode" one at a time and in the mean time do some soul searching to figure out WHY you think and feel the way you do. Even if you did forgive your father, whatever happened may still be affecting you... I mean we begin to learn how to deal with relationships in infancy..... and as we get older it takes a lot of effort to fix automatic patterns, but I don't know you, and I don't know your situation... just spitting out something that seems to happen a lot. But my advice is try and figure yourself out, apply what you learn in your psych classes.... the onlyperson who can really explain why you do things is yourself... psychologists just sorta helpyou get there. Oh and take a break from guys... they're the downfall of girls going through a rough time like this.
I speak most of this from experiance and I, too, am a psych major ^^
What are your areas of interest in psychology?
since I never get on mindsay and probably wont reply to your reply if you do decide to reply in over a month... my sn is OMG look a kitty. feel free to drop me a line if ysa wanna chat and good luck =)