You can dress up like a sultan in your onion head hat...

Welcome fellow citizens. It's the choose your own adventure blog.

There are two routes. Happy and sad. Choose wisely.

You don't believe good and bad news come in any order, but if you like good news first, please begin at the beginning. If you like bad news last, skip to paragraph two. If you don't like political notes at all, skip the first three paragraphs. If you're confused, just skip down the picture of the Halloween pumpkin, and that will most likely amuse you. If you've found this boring, absurd, or annoying, thank you for at least reading this far, and you may see yourself out...

The good news. No incumbent school board member in Mecklenburg county won reelection. Voters seemed to understand how stupid and retarded the school board has been during the recession, and you love the fact that not a single one was reelected. If you enjoyed this good news so much that you will be saddened by any bad news, please skip the next two paragraphs. If you just can't wait for bad news, or if you enjoy broadcast television news, continue reading the next paragraph.

The bad news. You didn't get to vote for mayor of Charlotte, school board of Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools, or city-counsel-at-large. All because you live in the city next to Charlotte, even though you live in Mecklenburg county. You didn't even get to vote for school board. A crock of shit, yes? So you wrote in your choice for mayor and city-counsel as if you were voting in Charlotte. Suckers. You were 1 of 11 who did this. If you enjoyed the bad news, wait! There's more! Continue reading the next paragraph for more bad news. If you've had enough bad news for one day -- or if you don't like bad news at all -- you should not have read this paragraph to begin with, buckethead. Now skip the next paragraph and continue reading.

In other bad news, voter turnout was below 20% in Charlotte. On this you'll do what 80% of Charlotte voters did an remain silent. If you're sick of politics and wish to read something refreshing, continue reading below. If you've got a stick up your ass and only like political talk, stop here, call it a day, and get a life. This ends the sad-route of choose your own adventure and the blog has now become a one-way ticket, similar to a dictatorship. It's my way or the highway, thanks for not voting. And because you chose the sad-route, you do not get to read the next paragraph. Skip the next paragraph and continue reading. Have a nice day.

Our story begins with a duck. One rainy, gray afternoon a proud little duck decided to journey from the pond where he lived and onto the road. What he did not expect was you to not expect there to be a duck in the road. So you honked your horn. You swore up and down you killed that duck and that it was now the consistency of mashed potatoes, but you looked in your rear-view mirror and there was no duck. You drove around just to make sure. No duck. You looked at the pond to find the duck flying back to his home in the pond by the road. And there he lived scared shitless, but happily ever after. This ends the happy-route of choose your own adventure and the blog has now become a one-way ticket, similar to a dictatorship. It's my way or the highway, thanks for not voting, and have a nice day.

Now my wife an I were talking about this last night. Why are you supposed to say put two-and-two together when it should be one-and-one? It makes no sense, two-and-two. It just sounds better.

Fuck Maine.

Here is my beautiful Halloween pumpkin. I have neglected showing it off and for this I am sorry.


I think Mufassa is the cutest name for a puppy. Really.

So You Think You Can Dance was better last night, though it did have the worst dance I've ever seen. I thought tapboy was gonna drop the hottie on her head. I'm glad tapgirl is gone. I never liked her and she has a fishmouth. But she danced the hell out of what was given to her, and made her partner look like an amateur. She didn't deserve the boot.

And Kat Deeley needs to stop laughing after everything she says. It's awkward.

We pretty much decided Mini-Me's name if he is a she. And it's not Mufassa. Unfortunately.

We're going to see baby Liam today and I can't wait.

And we'll end on a high note. Every morning when I wake up, and my alarm goes off, I stand up with a smile on my face, and sing like this.