Christians are Destroying America
(Yes, that’s right. The 80% of the United States’ population that believes in Jesus is destroying the country. I took a lot of speech classes back in college and I’m pretty sure that’s called a false generalization.)

That's right, folks, you heard it right here.  Christians and conservatives are trying to destroy America.  (Again, the majority of the country is trying to destroy itself? Hmm… Interesting. I wonder what will happen when they finally succeed). Or, at the very least they are aiding the terrorists. (Wow. The anti-Christian terrorists are accepting help from the Christians? That’s very civilized of them.) How, you ask?  It's all very simple: "It's 'Merry Christmas,' not 'Happy Holidays.'"  Christians are trying to divide us when we are supposed to be unifying as a country against the hordes of those who would destroy our very way of life.

I was leaving a local grocery store (I won't post their name because I hate giving away free advertising; sorry Pic 'n' Save, I just don't play that game) (Umm... You just posted the grocery store’s name) and there were a couple of Shriners waving the bells and asking for handouts.  Now I don't know what's worse: the fact that they were calling out, and I quote, "Merry Christmas, not happy holidays!" or that they were wearing those fezes so reminiscent of Muslim culture.  I mean, just whose side are these people on?  I mean, they're begging for handouts, they're trying to break up the fragile construct of our unified country and they're dressed like freedom-haters!!! (Hmm… I’m sorry, but isn’t you entire blog about how these people are breaking up the unity of America, and yet you yourself are alluding that anyone who dresses in Muslim garb must be a freedom-hater? Aren’t people like you, who discriminate a group of people based on how they are dressed, going so far as  to compare them to terrorists, the type of people who are breaking America apart?) I was so infuriated that I made a promise never to shop at that local grocer if he had those anti-Americans with their hands out in front of his store again (You heard me, Pic 'n' Save, I've got your number!).  (I’m pretty sure these Christians you saw were commenting on the fact that it’s becoming unpolitically-correct and even wrong to wish someone a happy or merry “enter religious holiday here.” They are stating their frustration with the fact that we are no longer allowed to even mention a particular religion’s holiday, for fear that we will be leaving out another religion. I am a teacher and all my students are either Jewish or Christians (except for one Atheist, but she celebrates Christmas). If all of my students celebrate Christmas or Hanukah, why shouldn’t I be able to decorate my room in both Hanukah and Christmas decorations and celebrate everyone’s holiday? Why shouldn’t I be able to wish them all a very happy Hanukah or a very merry Christmas? And what exactly were the Masons collecting for? I’m sure, considering the present holiday season, they were collecting for some charity. Perhaps one the many hospitals that support children with polio that they’ve established all over the country.)

The latest argument seems to be that "Happy Holidays" is an anti-christian statement.  Well excuse me, Bible-thumpers, but we're at war here.  We need to show the world that America, with it's Christians and Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Buddhists and Shintos and Taoists and Pagans and whatnot is unified, that we're strong against our enemy.  If we start favoring one particular holiday/religion over the others, we'll just prove we're no better than those RPG toting evil-doers in the Middle East, but  then I'm sure you'd love that, wouldn't you? (Interesting point. Except, how exactly is being able to wish someone a merry Christmas favoring one religion over another? Those that are upset over this recent push for a politically correct holiday season are not upset because they want people to ONLY wish each other a merry Christmas. They want people to be able to wish each other a merry or happy religious holiday, whatever that holiday may be, and not be scrutinized and yelled at for “leaving one religion out.” You say we need to “show the world that America, with its Christians and Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Buddhists and Shintos and Taoists and Pagans, is unified.” Of course. I’m pretty sure anyone would agree with that statement. But what does that have to do with being able to wish someone a merry Christmas? I’m pretty sure there are only two religions that you mentioned that have holidays during the official holiday season. If I saw “Merry Christmas” to a Christian or “Happy Hanukah” to a Jew, how am I favoring one religion over all the rest?)

This is why we need the FBI stationed outside our churches, ladies and gentlemen. (Don’t you mean Masonic Temples considering the people who made you so upset that you needed to make a pointless blog about it were Shriners, which are people part of the Masonic movement?) While christians may seem innocent, the fact is they are really in cahoots with Al Queda.  They want to see our country break apart at the seams, rather than unify against a common enemy. (So 80% of the country wants to be broken up. And 80% of the country are terrorists.) They want to destroy the soul of America, the differences of our people that make us so unique. (Actually, didn’t you say we shouldn’t talk about our differences? That we should all blend together and unify? That pointing out our differences is favoring on difference over another?)

And one last little word: I'd keep an eye on those G.D. Shriners.  For all you know, they've got a bomb under their anti-American fezes. (Dear the God this imbecile just damned – Please teach this guy how to spell fezzes!)  A bomb or some kind of listening device, trying to beam our most sensitive information to Osama Bin Ladin and Zarcowie and all them evil terrorist scofflaws. (Don’t forget the Christians!) Thank you, and Godspeed.