Not great, not horrid.
Just trying to get focused so I can study for my exams tomorrow. My mind is all sorts of scattered. I wish I was the only one home right now, I can't think with people constantly stomping around upstairs.
I hear the water turn on and off from showers and dishes being washed. I hear here a loud little girl giggling about something on tv. I hear the dogs outside barking at the neighborhood cats just out of reach. I hear lady bugs hit closed windows as they try to reach outside air. I feel the hot evening sun streaming through the open blinds.
My stomach is flipping. Perhaps I had too much coffee this morning or maybe I'm anxious about my tests tomorrow. Will I know everything? Can I remember all of this information? Will I make a good grade? Christ, I have to make a good grade. I need to do well. I have no other options.
Before you left you reminded me that I'm leaving in the new year. I don't want to go. I want to stay. I don't look forward to being away. All the long hard hours before me. All the emptiness I'll feel from being alone. I'll be alone...
It's funny how you want to be alone when you're not, but when it's not your choice to be alone it feels like death.
