At the same time my spiritual questions swirled, I also was looking at my work and thinking about life, fragility and waste. There had been a motorcycle accident that left a beautiful young soldier dead, the next day a horrific car / motorcycle accident that left 5 dead, and as an ER we had worked to try to save the lives of several without success. It was so very drastic, so very sad, and one of the few times I have seen the ER come to a standstill as almost everyone had to be involved in the trauma. It also was one of the few times that the sadness, reality, and emptiness hit once the CPR stopped and the machines were turned off. Staff stopped and called home to say they loved their families, some cried then, some later. Usually trauma's don't stop the place cold, they come, they go, but this was big and it was sad.

I was struggling after the event with the people that then came in to see me in Psych with the " I'm going to kill myself because my boy/girl left me". I don't mean those suffering from a real depression, psychosis, or other serious mental health problem - for those the trauma was as equal as the accident. But for just a moment my compassion waned for those using life and death as manipulation - and I thought - " you want to see dead - come with me". Of course I quickly caught the thought and my compassion returned but I was distressed that it was there.

The other thing that concerned me was the brutality of what is done to save a life that is so very gone. I know how often we do save lives with what we do, but sometimes it is so harsh to see what happens as the efforts go on and on. As part of my faith when one dies they should be given dignity and peace, time to transition to the next life. What I see is so far from dignified, and there is little peace as the curtain is closed and the work goes on around them. In all of this I wondered how I might bring just a small amount of quiet to the person, and a bit of dignity. I try to sneak in and cover the person, fix hair, turn off a light, some little thing.

Suddenly I had a phone call that there was a Lama, Rinpoche and Monk from Tibet in town for several weeks. They were looking for people to help cook, clean the house, serve meals, meal clean up, etc. for them as well as teach a little English when possible. They were here to teach as well as to work with a Translation Committee to translate into English precious texts that had been smuggled out of Tibet with the Dalai Lama and others in 1959. I offered up my time and limited cooking talents to the task and it has proved to be interesting, fascinating, precious, spiritual, humbling, and honourable. If you had told me 7 years ago that I'd be cleaning the toilet of some man from Tibet and honoured to do so I'd have laughed at you!!

I am honoured, and so very humbled. To be in the presence of people that own only 2 sets of robes, toothbrush and comb. Who smile and are so very happy in life, and whose energy, and soul radiates from their faces so strongly I am blessed to simply be in the same house as they are. Their simplicity and graciousness is nothing I have ever seen in my own culture and I am shocked at how rude we in North America are compared to these beautiful people.

I was granted an audience with both the Rinpoche and Lama, and I talk often to the Monk, also Rinpoche's Nephew. I asked Rinpoche to be my teacher and have discussed visiting the Lama to help him set up a medical clinic. I got to ask my questions, and was given simple and beautiful answers om how to deal with my questions. I was given blessings on my work to build my 50 acres healing garden, and offered a visit to bless it once complete. (In Tibet Rinpoche is like a Phd, but also with a spiritual component like a Pope might be to a Catholic. While it is a Title, it is also used as a name).

And then ... my puppy found me and her name was apparent - Teshe Dechen - Lucky Joy in Tibetan.

I go tomorrow and spend the day again with Rinpoche and Sange his nephew. One of daughters comes (19) and she helps teach English to Sanje who is only 23 and likes to talk to her. Tomorrow she is going to show him her iPod, music, and a few other modern things he might find interesting. I'm cooking meatloaf, and making some homemade fries with Gingerbread & Caramel sauce - LOL - some real old home cooking. I look forward to it and to a day of positive energy and calm abiding.

I wonder if gets a lot better!!

Namaste'