Today was a day off from work that I was looking forward to GREATLY. I got to spend it completely alone, which I need once in a while. I actually felt a little lonely today and thought about seeing if my friend Alex wanted to meet up at this pub I like for some appetizers and beers since it’s St. Patrick’s day, but the idea of crowds kept me from following through with that.
So today I slept in a bit, did a little wake and bake sesh, then bummed around the house for a while. I made some tea, had some breakfast, did some thinking and reading. Started to feel kinda down after a little while, so realized I needed to change things up.
After the whole day being dreary and cloudy, I noticed the sun was finally coming out. It was lunch time, and I figured I should get out of the house, so I went and picked up some lunch, drove to the lagoon near my house, and at my lunch in the car. Then I walked around the lagoon, stopped at a bench and sat down for a while to enjoy the sun on my skin and observe the animals and the sparkling sunshine on the water. Then I finished my walk, back to my car.
Went and bought some new shoes since I got my tax return in. I’ve been needing new shoes really badly, just something decent to wear out of the house when it’s too warm for boots but too cool for sandals. I’m still adjusting to all the necessary footwear when you don’t live in California or the desert. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully adjust… I used to pretty much wear sandals year round, and wore chuck taylors when it was cold (which wasn’t often, or very cold, really). Now I need fall boots, and winter boots, and light tennis shoes, and flip flops…. gah! Not to mention the price of all the socks to go with these things!!
I came home feeling in a much better mood after going on a walk and getting out a bit – getting out of my head, mostly. I bought some canvases a last week and I decided to go ahead and paint a beach picture on one. Maybe I’ll post it later. It’s drying right now.
Now I’m making a ravioli dinner – spinach ravioli.
I didn’t apply for any of the jobs I told myself I would apply for today. I keep putting it off… what’s wrong with me?
I talked to Jeff on the phone last night and told him that I’ve been feeling down lately. I figure he should know and I should talk to someone about it. He was concerned, and said he’d call me today again – every chance he got. Which he did. He called on his way to class, then after class, then on his way to work, then during his break… He’s a good boyfriend.
I’m looking into possibly getting myself into therapy. There’s an issue with my insurance right now, though, so I’m trying to work that out. I’m not sure how I feel about getting on medication, but I think I need to address the diagnosed depression that I've had for … years. I’m kinda getting tired of living like this. Under this foggy darkness.