I've waited for what's coming on Thursday since I was 16.
Seriously.
Five years I've waited for this, and yet when I tell people, they're like "oh. man, that's uh....cool." It makes me want to roll my eyes and just say "why can't you people pretend like it actually IS cool?"
Him and I have been best friends since the spring when I turned 16. No, I've never met him. Yes, I've seen pictures of him. Yes, I've talked on the phone with him, his mom, his dad, his brother, his friend Jon, his friend Olo, and his cat.
And yes. I was once head over heels in love with him. I wanted to marry him. Until he went awol for a week, then told me he couldn't feel anything anymore and didn't love me.
So yes, I didn't talk to him for 8 months.
Yes, I found someone else, live with him, and am marrying him in August.
No, I don't regret starting to talk to Jace again. He makes me happy...he just makes me happy as a friend, this time.
I told him we could wait until my spring break, but he got super excited and said "how about I just come down with Jesse on Thursday after he gets of work?" I told him that of course it was ok. For all I care he could come down today. I've been so excited this weekend that it didn't hit me until Sunday that it COULD turn into a bad idea.
Yes, I will always love him somewhere in me. But no, I could never be with him again. And yet, what if he makes me question my current relationship? After talking to some people, I know that he won't, and yet the what if still gets a hold of me.
This won't ruin me, my relationships with him or Josh, and it won't harm anything I have with Josh. I know that. I know I can trust that.
Yet why does it bring to mind Tycho trying to get me to choose him over Josh 2 years ago?
Still, it's not the same and I know Jace is NOT Tycho and will never BE Tycho.
Thank God for that.
So yes, I'm finally meeting my best friend.
And yes, I am scared.
But no, I'm not scared like you would think I should be.
I'm scared of it changing my life.
relationships
