"I'm still in fairly good spirits, still single, still foolishly in love. I don't think any of those three things will change for a while, and honestly, I don't think I want them to change right now. Yes, even the single part. As desperate as I am for companionship, I don't have much room for the extra complication of a romantic relationship. Maybe later."
Okay, so I was fooling myself. The "extra complication" of a relationship would be a burden that I'd carry with great pride and joy. The only cause of lasting regrets, sadness, and general bad mojo in my life right now is the lack of a woman with whom I can share myself and my life, what little of it there is to go around. I've got the longing for a partner, and it's a damned strong desire, strong enough to distract me during the day with errant considerations of my long-term future, and marvelous fantasies on the subject. <3
Which brings me to another point. There are plenty of dating resources available to me, but I'm just too focused on one woman. I'd almost call it a fixation, really, seeing as how I'm not digging through Adult Friend Finder or some shit like that to get myself a woman because I want to be with her. It's a rather bizarre bit of personal reflection to think that I've desired this woman virtually nonstop for almost two and a half years, now. I hate to say it, but that really makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. To be with this woman is without a doubt my #1 medium/long-term goal, surpassing financial success and spiritual/religious fulfillment by wide margins, and I'm not really sure if I should celebrate that fact or be wary of it. I want the former, but who knows? It feels like I'm right on the verge of making my life something to be proud of, having a home and a steady job that provides enough to be comfortable, and having the love of a beautiful woman who makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be. The wrench in those works is that I don't know what she's going to do...I wouldn't call her mercurial, but her romantic situation rarely seems steady nor straightforward. Sometimes I have a great deal of trouble understanding why she feels and does things in her way. I know I've pissed her off at least a few times with my questioning, but if I can't understand something, I ask about it. It's the way I work through problems.
Bah, I'm not going on a rant. I gotta get ready for my extra cover hours tonight. A ten hour shift, bringing this week's total up to around 45-46. Next week's going to be 46 minimum, probably closer to the 48-50 range. Cash mizzoney, bitches.
love
i know what you mean, though. i want a partner, too. 