Quiet

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d72fish

Quiet

Tags:

grateful

grateful dead

grateful wishes

grateful for

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I am grateful. I am grateful that I have my peace and safety back in my home. Grateful both my parents have overcome cancer and along with my grandmother have followed their dreams and returned home to Mississippi. I am so grateful and with that being said today was a lonely day, one of those days that you wish you could uncap one of your favorite days or a day you wished your fingers would never forget.

I wish I could feel mommy’s fingers through my braids today as I learned that someone I cared about is going to become a father with someone else (I wish them well but it still hurts).

I don't remember grams smell, but if I could I would hold that in instead of the smell of jealousy wondering when the usual when is it going to be my turn (everyday I have to see a new e-mail saying oh congrats such and such had their baby or promotions so congrats to this one.....wish them well?

I have two weddings to go to before February and I don't want to go. I love the people getting married, one is the brother mommy never had and the other is a friend who has shown me love beyond measure...but I can't deny the hurt. I have eaten myself into a whopping 30 lb weight gain and as much as I could say it had to do with the person we don't speak of I know that it still has to do with my unhappiness. I want to wake up and know htat someone loves me....not settle but loves me for me and have peace with that. I want someone to break down with or crack up with and not people that I can't touch or have to keep secret because it wont look right.

Why would God give me someone to love if I am back to not knowing how to love myself 100%?

This is for me and me only so if you get offended I am sorry.

You have brought me this far and I know you are not through with me...please hold me up so I know not to be through with myself. Please place me in the position I am supposed to be at so that I may be joyful and a blessing.

I tried to do the 24 hour happy thing and so far so good...guess the road back home on a virtual road trip is expected to be bumpy.

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k10 on

Re: Quiet

go to those weddings and be sure to talk...that sexy voice of yours should reel them all in!

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d72fish on

Re: Quiet

I think I have used every excuse to get out of events, but I know I have to go. I don't want to be that girl at the table. Oh did you see her (tsk). Wonder who ticked her off (mom says I wear my feelings and distaste a little too much.)
But your right I should just go

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lauralemon on

Re: Quiet

I understand those feelings -- and the weight gain, too! One of my best friends is getting married in December and I'm so happy for her, she's waited for the right one for a long time, but it still hurts deep inside. So I keep telling myself my day will come too but patience is so hard. We'll find it, dearest.

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d72fish on

Re: Quiet

patience, its always about patience. stinks but it will be worth it for both of us
hugs

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Andieland on

Re: Quiet

Just because you are unhappy with yourself doesn't mean you don't love yourself. We make mistakes (i.e. gain wieght, fall in love with the wrong person) and it takes us a minute to solve those problems, the key is HOW we act and resovle the situation. You still love yourself. Whats not to love. Your allowed to be human, your allowed to fall down, what your not allowed to do is stay there. You said you are grateful, and you have faith, these are not the words of someone that intends to be unhappy. You are one of my FAB U LOUS woman. Which means, you will never be far from your desired goals, they might be an armslength away, but all you will ever need is encouragement because you know what you want and what you need.

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d72fish on

Re: Quiet

Sometimes I over think what to say or how to react when a friend is in pain, thank you not thinking and simply saying the right words for my spirit. Pity parties stink so I know it will pass and if it doesn't shift away soon Ill do the gram thing and sweep it away.
Andie thank you..thank you thank you thank you!

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Andieland on

Re: Quiet

You are most very welcome.