I can't recall every moment I cried over a specific friendship and love lost but I remember crying about it just the same. I remember asking people to pray for my sanity and well being. I remember sitting in the very darkest corner of my closet wondering why I was going through this voyage of hell. I remember being sisterly jealous of myclette,twentypearls94porkchopper  and a host of other women with true and undying love in their lives they were blessed to speak of,  in a no in your face kind of way.

I cried over that lost love, that divorced friendship. I questioned where my life would go from there and as usual I saw no way forward. I never wanted to steal anyone elses joy, I simply wanted joy of my own airmarked specifically for me.

Well I got a little bit of joy last night. No not a renewal of that lost love. Not even a mending of an old friendship, at least not in the way we as old romantics tend to think mending will be found. After months of not having that old flames happiness thrown in my face I was not only forced to be in his prescence, but once again I had to hear  about his happiness, his joy,his moving forward and his moving on. The worse part of the conversation? The conversation was one not shared between two lost friends, but one that was meant to be overheard for whatever reasons and thank God I overheard it. HES GETTING MARRIED!

As I listened to him talk about his joy I felt that tear that built up, you know that infamous tear created by Denzel Washington as he is having the man in him beaten out and tore down. I felt it building up and just as quickly as it began I heard a voice "O NO WE DON'T DO THAT HERE"

LORD it felt good. It felt good to know that what had become normal and something done out of habbit, could be broken and no longer controled me. I know what it means to be free. I know what it feels like to run through the valley, lift up your arms and sore like an eagle without fear of falling.

I thank you father. I thank you for healing and fixing me when the pieces seemed beyond repair.

Oh and after the voice siad oh we don't do that here...lol I did what I would never expect myself to do. I blessed him and I meant it and it felt good.