Man My Head is FULL

have you ever felt like you were going crazy? Well right now my head in full of everything and I can't stop thinking. I feel like Im going crazy

 

My mind has been going back and forth from my school life to my family, social, love, work life and everywhere in between. Im stressing myself out!!

 

I hate money, but thats what makes the world go round in my lifetime. I've been trying to get a job and every one I talked to said that weren't hiring or that they would be in a few weeks. But I need a job NOW! I hate not being able to provide for myself. I feel, worthless, lazy, and miserable.

 

My social life well the small one I have is alright. Been trying to make new friends, its kind of working. Still can't figure out why some olds one won't talk to me. I miss my close friends that I could really talk to. I dont go out much 1) no money and 2) no time with school. But I try to just chill with my roomie who is super cool!

 

My family life? well its family, They drive me crazy. My dad disgusts me, my bother uses me and pisses me off, my mom tries to control me, lies to me and makes me sad. My sis well not to bad, I feel bad for her most of the time. Sometimes i really think taht i was switched at birth! I'm the lil joke of the family even though I think I am the one whos been the most sucessfull in life.

 

School is well hard. My classes require more and more of my time. My classes get harder and harder. But I enjoy them. Sometimes I question on wether i made the right choice but Im pretty sure I did. I'm nevouse about this Army ROTC thing but excited at the same time. I really want to do well. I know I have a fear of failing anything but especially that. I will just want to try my best

 

Love life wow is that a crazy one. Money stresses me out more but relationships is what I think about most. See my ex wants to work things out with me. And I would like to too. I miss being with her, we had great times. But things were rough. She doesnt know how I felt most of the time and thats my fault but I felt like I was never good enough or I always did something wrong  ect ect.  What should I do??

 

For some reason I go through tese phases where the outgoing person that I know I am become a wall flower. Meaning i retreat into myself. I doubt myself and make myself depressed. And when things like money, relationships, friends, school, family and life in general gets thick like this I let it all soak into my head and it get stuck there.

 

I wish I could just tell EVERYONE how I was feeling and talk to them all, but for some reason I just keep my mouth shut and go on trying to make them all happy.... What about me? I want to be happy too