
i like it.
This is actually pretty good. Better than pretty good, actually--its quite well written. One simple change could move it from there to Excellent. Do you know what it is?
OK, but I think you'll not like it. Your phrasing is good. And its obvious you have something you want to say with some passion. Those two traits will take you a ways. But the unrelenting use of the expletives shows a lack of sensitivity, and probably a deficient vocabulary. You will turn off more readers than you will turn on.
Your vocabulary can be increased easily. Do a search on it and you will find some help. Sensitivity is another matter. You can develop that only if you want to, and wanting it is almost tantamount to having it. Of course, if you are only interested in reaching a readership that tolerates, or even like the profanity, then by all means keep it up!
finally, I offered this brief critique in the spirit of kindly helpfulness. I hope you will accept it as such. I mean no offense.
Your vocabulary can be increased easily. Do a search on it and you will find some help. Sensitivity is another matter. You can develop that only if you want to, and wanting it is almost tantamount to having it. Of course, if you are only interested in reaching a readership that tolerates, or even like the profanity, then by all means keep it up!
finally, I offered this brief critique in the spirit of kindly helpfulness. I hope you will accept it as such. I mean no offense.
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