Man Bites Dog
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cnnnews stories
cnnnews stories"After six months, can Democratic race be over?" screams the CNN headline. Yes, CNN, after over a YEAR, this bizarre scene is finally over. Take Wolf Blitzer to the methadone clinic. Keep Anderson Cooper away from the razor blades. Put the crack pipe down. Make your decision for Christ. It's over. Oh, yeah, and someone put David Gergen back in the nursing home!
Actually, CNN, it's been over for three months, but I'm impressed that you finally noticed. I was beginning to wonder if you ever would. Does this mean that lame touch-screen goes up in the attic with all the Christmas ornaments? I just don't know. One can certainly hope the deflation won't crush too many egos over there.
I was beginning to miss the "dog bites man" stories. Gone were the days of "Woman kept 180 cats in captivity," "30 bodies from a mortuary stacked in daycare playground," and "Breast can cause cancer, study shows" human-interest stories. Oddly, something inside me missed those heady days when penises, corpses, and disasters dominated the news-tainment offerings. After all, if 400 kids getting stolen from their parents/husbands/wives/uncles doesn't get national attention, what will? The last break in the action was when 32 people got killed...somewhere. Don't look at me like that. The segment was short, and I couldn't remember where.
*Sigh* So, I fully expect this summer to be a slow news era. Someone will diddle someone, and a panic will ensue. Some woman who woke up this morning in a mobile home that is encrusted with cat feces will star prominently. Maybe someone will cover the war I hear about sporadically. It's somewhere in Oceania, if I recall. While we're at it, how about them gas prices? Blah...
Somewhere, a news junkie is having a crisis of faith. A serial killer is penning a tell-all book that some politician's mistress will get fired for publishing. A dog is getting ready to bite a child. A driver on a cellphone is getting ready to kill someone. A congresscritter is getting ready to use global warming to enhance corporate welfare programs. Maybe Natalie Holloway will return from a 2-year acid trip in South America. Anything is possible in this magical time.
Yes, CNN, the primary season is over. Back to the usual dreck. Better luck in the fall. Until then, you can return to your normal, gross-out, bizarre fare. *TV off*
Actually, CNN, it's been over for three months, but I'm impressed that you finally noticed. I was beginning to wonder if you ever would. Does this mean that lame touch-screen goes up in the attic with all the Christmas ornaments? I just don't know. One can certainly hope the deflation won't crush too many egos over there.
I was beginning to miss the "dog bites man" stories. Gone were the days of "Woman kept 180 cats in captivity," "30 bodies from a mortuary stacked in daycare playground," and "Breast can cause cancer, study shows" human-interest stories. Oddly, something inside me missed those heady days when penises, corpses, and disasters dominated the news-tainment offerings. After all, if 400 kids getting stolen from their parents/husbands/wives/uncles doesn't get national attention, what will? The last break in the action was when 32 people got killed...somewhere. Don't look at me like that. The segment was short, and I couldn't remember where.
*Sigh* So, I fully expect this summer to be a slow news era. Someone will diddle someone, and a panic will ensue. Some woman who woke up this morning in a mobile home that is encrusted with cat feces will star prominently. Maybe someone will cover the war I hear about sporadically. It's somewhere in Oceania, if I recall. While we're at it, how about them gas prices? Blah...
Somewhere, a news junkie is having a crisis of faith. A serial killer is penning a tell-all book that some politician's mistress will get fired for publishing. A dog is getting ready to bite a child. A driver on a cellphone is getting ready to kill someone. A congresscritter is getting ready to use global warming to enhance corporate welfare programs. Maybe Natalie Holloway will return from a 2-year acid trip in South America. Anything is possible in this magical time.
Yes, CNN, the primary season is over. Back to the usual dreck. Better luck in the fall. Until then, you can return to your normal, gross-out, bizarre fare. *TV off*
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