One Year

It's hard to say what only one year means for most people.  To so many people it can mean so many different things.  It could mean a job promotion, relocation, marriage, a birth, and it can also mean a death.  Approximately one year ago my Mom died.  I don't think I've ever thought back to a certain day a year previous, thought about the fact that it has been 365 (give or take) days, and absolutely 100% completely NOT understood how it has been a whole year.  I've made little jokes all the time.  "Oh man!  It's already been a year?  Shit!"  But never have I realized just how fast time flies by.

One year ago, my Mom let go of this life.  She surrendered all she had left and slipped, relatively smoothly I might add, away.  Her body was still here on this Earth and her closest family and friends gathered around her bedside to bundle our love for a care-package for her to take with her.  At around 8:30 at night, on August 17th, she finally let go completely and made the journey from this life to the next.  I don't know what made her stick around for the 15 hours she did in a sort of "limbo" but I like to think that she just loved us too much to just jet on out of here.  Ya know what I was doing during those 15 hours?  I was watching fun movies with my best friend Tommy (and later Will and Emily as well).  Doing exactly what she would have me doing.  Carrying on.  Not doting on her.  When it first happened (when we realized that she wasn't coming back), I did probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.  At that moment in time, it didn't feel hard because I just NEEDED someone but I called our priest, Mike, and let him know that "This is it."  But after that, I spent my time with my greatest friend on Earth.  The only person who could POSSIBLY give me comfort.  Exactly as my Mom would have liked.

I realize this because of the year that's passed.  I've realized many, many things.  I've grown.  I'm moving out of the third house of the three I grew up in and, ironically, moving into the first house that I grew up in in order to live my own life and grow up, for the second time, in it.  There's no doubt in my mind that this house is where I need to be.  It's an ironic full circle but it really represents how much I've come in just one year.

In only one year, I've realized just how much love means.  You always hear "Don't throw around the L-word."  Maybe in relationships that works but it doesn't work in life outside of a romantic relationship.  Can there ever be enough love?  The answer is no because God is perfect love.  We make it what it can be and it comes damn near close.  I feel love for all of my friends, the newest and the closest.  I feel love for all of my family, even those I don't speak with.  And the greatest source of this love, other than God?

My Mom.

My Mom was love.  She is love.  Which means she is constant.  Which means she is always near, always here.  I think that one of God's greatest gifts is a Mother's love and, if you don't realize this, now is the time to realize it.  Don't realize it after she's gone.  Realize it now and be thankful for it.

Now I realize something else.  I realize that it has only been a year.  One year.  I can't lay claim to how many years I have left but, however many I have, I will strive to make sure that other people know of this love.  Today is only the start.  How far can I spread this new realization in two years?