Maybe I will not tire of watching that movie, not when every repeat I pick up something meaningful to me. I seldom do quotes; life is clichéd to death by quotes. However, this movie made me realize that quotes need not be tacky or pretentious. They have a special term for it, gibbets (though, I’m not sure if it is spelled that way). Life can be so fucking full of it. Fortunately, my brain is so dull to remember many. For this movie, one “gibbet” stands out. Posner said this one, “I am not happy but I am not unhappy about it.” It rather sums me up. I have always used the term “floater” but somehow the term does not quite capture it. I am just glad that somebody thought and enunciated it for me. Like a newfound friend, I’m glad it understands me.
Regarding the pseudo-C, I am feeling better everyday. A little nauseous but nonetheless I am still functional. The disease is hard to beat, but I am caring less and less. Maybe one day, I will not even remember I have it. Blocking negatives is one of my prized talents. If ever I beat this, I’ll write a book about my experiences and hopefully one or two sufferers would be cured too. I don't want to keep writing about it. I know psychologists would have my head for saying this, but there really are times and situations when talking/discussing does not work. For this, indifference is the better treatment. If I become successful at totally blocking it out, it will be the end of it. At least in my reality and since I am the one sick, it is all that matters anyway. It is good that nobody close knows about this, I hate dealing with hysterical people. I am never one, and never will be.
It makes me wonder why we feel more alive when death is so close by? Could it be the contrast? Or could it be the panic, the rush to squeeze whatever we could get out of it the soonest time possible? Kinda like a child licking all the ice cream dribbling on her hands, we don't want to waste a precious drop. I only hope there will be enough ice cream to last me a couple of summers.
