Well this is just going to be for me.. I don't know whether it will be long or short, but with all the heinous acts that have been happening, things I've been doing to myself, is there such a thing as salvation? Redemption? Mercy? I don't know. I use to think so, but all this pain, all this hurt it tears at me and I cannot seem to unharness all this suffering. It's a battle in my head, in my heart. Do I want to close this chapter so I can move forth into the next? I don't know. I DONT KNOW HOW TO LET GO. I drive down the roads watching what little light remains from a sunset in the sky be engulfed by the shadows of the night, the dark, the mysteries of my heart sink into it, and now I become one with the night, one with the dark, am I too lost to be saved? Where is this Salvation that I long for? How do you let go of someone, something, so close? How do you start over? Why do you forget me? Look past me? Judge me? Consider me worthless, not worth the effort, what kind of cruelty is that? Especially after all that I have done for you? I don't understand it. I don't know how people can be so hurtful and cruel. And hence the fact that they are, then why do I still allow them to hurt me so? How can you still hurt me? "Here I stand empty hands, wishing my wrists were bleeding to stop the pain from the beatings" Why do these thoughts rush into my mind yet again? I am not perfect, I never claimed to be, I'm not good enough.."I'm never gonna be good enough for you I can't pretend that I'm alright, and you can't change me, because we lost it all nothing last forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect" How do you deal with that? I mean seriously I shouldn't think these thoughts, I was the best part in everything, not conceited but true. I did everything you wanted. All these heinous thoughts, I can't remember why or how everything fogs into a blur.. I can't stand this pain and I can't make it go away. " How could this happen to me I made my mistakes, I've got nowhere to run, the night goes on as I'm fading away, I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream" So many songs I relate to, I carry all this in me, noone hears me screaming on the inside, noone knows what its like to be like me. I carry on every day as just another day, nothing bad always cheerful. No one can see inside myself and know. I was doing so good for soo long, and then you came along and told me I wasnt worth the effort that you hate me!!! How the heck can you do that? What did I do to deserve such a harsh reality check. Dont worry your time is coming. All my friends thing Im happy, but will I be ok? I hope so.. To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked when your down, to feel like youve been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down, and noones there to save you. Welcome to my life. All these thoughts blur into my head, and I shed a few tears at night when I can think of nothing, when nothing makes sense, When I am hurt so much, that I sink into oblivion and no longer have a sense of time or reality, then I can cry over you, then I can cry for myself, and get whatever relief from that. I am thrown into a maze of nightmares, crawling, screaming, bleeding, lost, I have no idea where to turn, the memories haunt me there, so is that why I havent slept in almost 2 months? A real good sleep? A sleep where I am able to be rejuvenated at the end? What is happening to me? I had fixed me. I was getting better with my relationship with God. I called out for help. I sought his Redemption and now, my prayers are going unheard, like the song unanswered prayers, there is a plan I know that, but what is it? I wake up into the reality that you are no longer here, and its like Im living in a nightmare all over again. It never ends. I can take it into my own hands, but then why should I? Youre not worth going to Hell too. Im not even sure youre worth all this anymore, but I CANT LET GO. So be it. What is this letter for, is this making sense to anyone? Does anyone have these scars on their hearts? Does anyone know what its like? Does anyone understand me? Can anyone relate? The past is real, I know, and I can move on from that, to live in the present now, but even the present hurts. Im dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming I turn to all these, quite literally too, so again I ask where is my Salvation????? Can I be forgiven for everything I have done? Am I too lost to be saved? Am I just sinking faster into this oblivion? No help! No worries! I watch it all end only to begin again. I have fallen. I have descended to the ground. A fallen angel!Chels0401
I always think, that you can't expect someone to be perfect because they will disappoint you, because no one is. I rather like to think that while a couple might not be perfect, they might be 'perfect' for one another. I've recently gone through something familiar, recently as in about two months ago now. Everyone can be saved, even if it's hardened criminals (though for them it might just only be with god).
Yea I was going thru a pretty rough time my fiance ended things and long story short things went to Hell. Thanks for the reply and your thoughts.
I'm sorry to hear about that. I'd say more but hmm, not very good at expressing sympathies and all that. Hope that things'll turn around for you
They always do and no worries on the sympathies I mean you replied back always enough helps to know your not alone. Have a Great weekend!!!
Thanks, have a fun weekend
depression
