but i sure feel horrible now.

so we spent the afternoon together. it was fantastic. and... i lost my virginity. *collective gasp!*

it was worth it. it was everything i wanted it to be and more.

then i had to go... of course i was sad. i knew it'd be the last time i'd see him in months.

but i was still content.

then i get a text from his ex, that he just told her all about it and he said i fucked someone else too

and she didn't want me to get hurt. she even called me and explained things.

so i basically freaked out on him. i was hurt. i thought she was right, i knew she probably was.

and he denied it all, said he liked me so much and that she just wanted to mess things up

and i said i didn't know who to trust.

and he said he was going to stay to be with me. but now it wouldn't be worth it.

this hurt the worst. see, said he was gonna stay for me. and i blew that.

and it hurt. a lot. and i told him i wanted him to stay, and he said he already told his mom he would go.

i knew from the start he was going back, and there was no real chance

but this made me feel like i threw away my chance, at, idk, love or something

so it hurts, still.

but i'm getting over it.

because jason said i got played. which i think i pretty much did.

he pointed out that if he was really gonna stay for me, he would have told me earlier

so when i think about it, i probably was just another hook up for him.

he was in town for a week, won me over, got in my pants

so now i can either be pissed, or be sad. maybe some of both.

i don't regret it, though. i enjoyed myself.

and the only thing i ever asked was when i lost my virginity, it was to someone who i cared about

and i did/do care about him. i may have even possibly loved him. i just told him so.

maybe i'll scare him away with the L word. i think it'd hurt less, then.

i'm tearing up, damn it. i hate crying.

such a bittersweet summer fling...