This will probably be a somewhat whiny post, especially given I was just venting about this stuff a few days ago. But my work schedule allows me almost a 3-day weekend – I work Saturdays until noon but then I don’t go back until Tuesday. So on Mondays, I get a taste of what it would be like to stay home.
I don’t love my job. It’s frustrating because all I’ve ever wanted is the job I have. I have worked so, so hard to get this job, and so to not like it is pretty frustrating. I do believe that part of it is because I just don’t know what I’m doing yet I have this unrealistic expectation of myself to be perfect. But then I get overwhelmed/hopeless/defeated so then I make stupid mistakes.
I feel like I don’t fit in with my co-workers. They are nice enough, but we only talk about very superficial things. You know – weather, plans for the weekend…
I am starting to get lonely. I think I mentioned that a few days ago, but it’s really getting to me. I want friends. I want “my people”.
In some ways Florida is everything I thought (and hoped) it would be.. but I think I expected everyone to be a little more laid back – more of an island vibe, which hasn’t been the case. Maybe because we live in the city?
Anyways.. I’m just sitting here absolutely dreading the work week. Missing my South Dakota and North Carolina co-workers and the amazing relationships we had with one another. Also missing the confidence I had there that I’m severely lacking here. It really adds to the confidence (or lack thereof) that everything I have rides on this job (my social life, mainly). So if I had a good group of friends, I wouldn’t care as much. But I’m out of my element here both career-wise and socially. I hate it. I can’t wait until I’m at a point where I look back and think of how ridiculous I was for thinking we’d never make friends here. I can’t wait to look back and wish I hadn’t spent so much time thinking and worrying about it.